Mindset Artistry
Mindset Artistry Empowers Corporate Creatives and Fashion & Entertainment industry professionals to discover their purpose and achieve career fulfillment through inspiring content, personalized coaching, and a supportive community.
Mindset Artistry
Mental Health Unfiltered: A Conversation on Authenticity, Energy, and Self-Discovery
This is the Mindset Artistry Podcast. I'm Amanda DeWoe, an actor or actress per your reference, and an inner voice life coach, and I'm Janelle.
Speaker 2:Pulaski, an actor and career and mindset coach. We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset, to teach you the artistry of what we learned to keep your mind in check Over the course of our lives.
Speaker 1:we've taken on the journey of healing, living and being authentically ourselves, as we successfully built our individual careers in the entertainment industry.
Speaker 2:This podcast is designed for you so you can discover your goals and courageously reach them at your highest potential, while being a hundred and thousand percent yourself.
Speaker 1:What you'll get from us is real dirty and okay, a little more like a lot of quirky, along with special elite guests that nurture empathy and create a safe space without judgment. So get ready to build a mindset that is unapologetically you and excel beyond the stars. Welcome to the Mindset Artistry Podcast.
Speaker 2:That's good. I used to help my friend because my friends wouldn't be allowed to come out and play. In Western Pennsylvania you don't red up your room, you can't get out to play. I would go to my friend's house and I would actually help her clean her room and then it was great. It looked beautiful and I like to clean. But I've been saying that because you're talking about the over-consumerism, I'll Instagram scroll and I love skincare and stuff. Or consumerism, I'll go Instagram scroll and I love skincare and stuff, or even cleaning products, which is very funny. I feel like I don't have that much, but it's still too much. It's too much.
Speaker 1:I only noticed that when I moved that I had to do stuff and that's right. That's right. We don't realize because we get comfortable in our spaces and then you know it was such a eye opening to how much I was like I always had a thing with my mom, like my mom just held onto things. So I'm like mom, do you really need like three pairs of this? Like this looks the same. Like these are running out of life. Like these sneakers are running out of life. It's time to give them up. Like why are you holding onto clothes that you don't fit in? Either you're too small for it now or it just it's not, it's outdated and granted. I wish there's some clothes that she would have kept, because obviously the fashion is always coming back, of course, yes, but those are the pieces that you should value there of quality, I think because I feared being like a hoarder.
Speaker 1:I think that's why I started becoming organized, because I feared of being a hoarder. That was like my biggest fear, because I've seen like my grandparents and my grandma over hoard things and I was like I don't want that to be me. So I have to like start looking at it. So every season, especially spring and summer. I'm like it's time to kind of do a spring purge and it just helped me mentally going okay, I'm ready for the new season. Also, I'm ready for what's coming. But it came out of fear. It wasn't something I've like. I wasn't like that as a kid. My mom would be like, fix your bed and clean this up. I'm like I'm going to clean. I hated it and now I'm like it's the opposite and it could be a trained thought that maybe my mom did it so much where it's like you got to clean your bed before you leave the house and all that stuff. But now I value it because when I come back home my bed is fixed. I'm like, oh, I can just lay on my bed.
Speaker 2:Your mind being cluttered. I don't have time to do this, but it saves you time in the future. I'd rather just invest in going on a trip and my house being maintained.
Speaker 1:And it might just come with maturity and just understanding yourself more, because you and I have done such spiritual deep healing and work and we're still doing it, we're still going through the trials and tribulations of life, because it's honestly, that is also a part of life. You're always, you're ever changing, you're ever evolving, you're ever experiencing things, consciously, subconsciously, and so it's, it's become exciting, but also it's we've. Yeah, this past week, for both of us, was a bit tough emotionally.
Speaker 1:I don't know what spiritually it was or energetically, what was happening in the cosmos if anyone believes in that stuff but energetically it was quite intense and things that I don't even necessarily think about or try not to think about or have processed already were showing up and I'm like I'm really feeling dark and heavy and I don't understand where it's coming from and I'm doubting. I'm doubting myself, I'm doubting life, I'm doubting and I'm like I became like a very fetal position and I'm like this isn't even me. I've never really done this before. You know, I've faced myself, I've faced the shadows of my mistakes in my past and even my present and future, but this was a whole nother level. This was like I don't even know if these thoughts are actually mine, or they're just over exaggerations of things that I've been either not addressing or have just been kind of hidden.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was weird. It was almost like a timeline jump because I felt like it was like a different version of me but could be kind of. There's just this little bit, this shadow self, and I've worked through a lot, but it was like an extreme amplified version and yeah, it was very odd. And you go down this road and this is who you become, going to subconsciously sabotage who you're really meant to be in this other path you're meant to be on, because that the time suck, that it took in this like fetal position situation, all these hours kind of rumination on something or whatever, this state of being. Then the next day I also had to fight the guilt Look how you wasted this time. And so it wasn't just when I was having this darkness around me and these deep, weird thoughts or state of being, it was also the guilt especially with, like this, mental health month.
Speaker 1:It's quite interesting that it happened right before this Cause, you know, you and I value mental health, which is why we started Mindset Artistry, right Because of COVID, you know, I think we I tend to forget that sometimes of how we started and then I think I'm like oh, it came from a necessity and that's the reality of the things that work. And people have been asked why are you still doing this if it's not giving you the things that you're striving for? I'm like, because I love it, you don't understand the value that it not only gives me but other people, and eventually it will reach the masses and I know it will and I have no doubt about that. But I'm not. It came out of necessity. And I understand why it came out of necessity. Because it came out of you and I being in COVID and feeling uncreative and feeling like how we talk about our mindset, because that wasn't something that was nurtured within my childhood. It wasn't nurtured. Everyone suppressed their emotions, everyone was like it's life, move on. And yeah, of course it is life and we can move on. But can we talk about it first? Can we talk about it? Can we process it? Can we understand what this is Then? Who am I in that process, before, during and after?
Speaker 1:And then not feeling like you said. You felt guilty and shame in that moment of like I lost a day, I lost hours. And same here. I lost hours and same here, like I lost hours. I was like I could have been more productive, I could have. I had some things to do for my social media, marketing, business and clients and I was like I didn't get to do that and I felt guilty. On the next day I was like I feel behind now and you know, I was like listen, you know what. I'm just going to take what I can in this moment and figure it out Clearly. It was something that needed to happen for me to like release whatever block.
Speaker 2:What is this thing that I didn't clock before, that I have to? And it was almost like definitely cycles I've seen in generations before me Like when did what moment did that shift? So if I now in the future I notice start speaking to myself a certain way, I'm like okay, we gotta put a cap on that. Maybe I need to like dance or put something down. I definitely need sleep. Yeah, you know you need sleep all the time, all the time. And just yeah, because I was pushing myself to a limit where I needed to stop moving and I think that's where things get messy, right, I recognize I'm such an energetic person and I pick on.
Speaker 1:You know, it might just be because I love forensic psychology, so I'm hyper aware of just people's behavior and you know things like that. And it's not necessarily people pleasing, it's me reading into the energies of people around me and then wanting to dissect it, wanting, you know, I think, for me I always want to dissect, like an emotion or like why are you doing what they're doing? And things like that. And that comes down to my immense interest in mental health as well as psychology and why I went to school for forensic psychology. But what I recognize is I was consuming other people's energy and replacing it with my own and I didn't realize I was doing that. So I was consuming their thoughts and their emotions and wherever they were in their life and I started relating to it as if it was my own and it wasn't.
Speaker 1:I'm not one to talk negatively about life and complain, because I used to complain at one point, and that's not something that benefits us. Complaining is only going to allow you to complain even more. And yes, I'm not talking about venting. Venting is a very different form. Venting is releasing and you're talking about it as a matter of fact you're talking about. Well, I feel this and I feel that Complaining is like well, why me and why this? And you're constantly being a victim, and I get it. Life can be difficult, life can be hard and things don't always work out the way we want them to and about 99% of the time they don't work out the way we expect them to, but eventually they do and unfortunately, our life is on a different timeline. We have a timeline in our mind of how quickly you want things to work out. I want my career to be by next year or two years from now, by 25, I should do this, this and this.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of friends not including you who are like I'm ready for marriage, I want kids, like why am I not dating? And I'm like I'm very much in a different mindset. I'm like I'm not rushing for that. I enjoy being single and I think it kind of shocks people and I'm like why I genuinely enjoy being single. It does not mean I don't love companionship, because I do, but I also get companionship from different areas in my life my friends, my family, and whenever the partner comes. A partner comes and just meeting people, but I'm not harping on it and I think what happened was I started reversing that, I started replacing that with other people Well, maybe my time is running out and maybe I should be having kids. And I'm like oh gosh. And it's like, yes, those are things that are going to be a part of your life, but you don't need to harp on it so heavily, cause it's going to happen when it happens.
Speaker 1:And that's something I had to really ask my question, like is this really something that I want? Like truly, do I want kids? And I want to get married, like right now, like in the next two years, like do I really want that? And in the next two years, like, do I really want that? And I was like no, I don't and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1:And then, like you know, constantly complaining like listen, life is always going to have its challenges, life is always going to have its hiccups because we're not controlling other people. That's the point. Every person that we're interacting with, every person that we're meeting, every situation, we're also creating, right, if you think about that, we are creatives and we're creators and manifesting a reality that we've manifested these challenges. Again, I'm not trying to blame you, but we've manifested this as an experience. So every person, everything that we've kind of witnessed whether it has been our own experience or others again brought that into our reality to learn something. That means that we could also have the power to shift it. So how do we shift it?
Speaker 1:And lately it was for me specifically, again going back to energy, what energy am I tapping into?
Speaker 1:Is it the energy of lack of scarcity? Is it the energy of imposter syndrome? Is it the energy of working hard all the time and life is like a hustle and bustle and 24 seven? Or is it the life of? Yeah, there's a balance. There is times where you have to definitely go hard and figure it out because no one's going to put the sweat and tears like you are. But there's also that balance in between of you've planted the seed. You've planted the seed, now have, ease, water it, step away you know what I mean and let the sun shine on it, that kind of stuff. So for me it was like the energy shit. I was like, oh, this is not my energy. This energy that I've been living in in the past couple of weeks is just like I have to learn how to set that boundary energetically and every day set an intention with my um, my energy and my thoughts, and I wasn't doing that's so powerful, yeah, yeah, and you definitely have to do that and I think everyone can benefit from that because you're so tuned in.
Speaker 2:I would say, now that I'm thinking about it, it was like I was having this energy of rebellion. I needed to rebel and so if I like reverse that, it's like well then, what am I missing? If I felt cause I knew what I needed to do, but I was so like no, like a kid, like I don't want to do it, it was so odd. Obviously, that just tells me I need more rest and more time for things, other things. It's just putting too much pressure on myself, because when you feel like you get to the point where you need to rebel, it's like I'm not going to work and only have fun. The balance is important. Then you're not having enough fun. I always think of Mufasa. He's like remember who you are. That should be my backdrop on my phone or something. Love that, because then being outside of yourself or taking on other people's energies, that's the most dangerous thing in breath work, when teachers always talk to me about. You're most grounded when you're in the present, 100 in your body.
Speaker 1:You're not in the past and future, but you know we're gonna be walking around and things are gonna happen and it's always gonna make us feel some type of way, but just feel that in your body and, unfortunately, a lot of times, we're living in a world unconsciously, yeah when we're constantly just moving through the motions and not paying attention, like you said, and being present and speaking of like, know who you are, girl, you know I got the Hakuna Matata on my foot. You know, don't worry, be happy, kind of thing, and it's like, yeah, it's a lovely Ike, by the way. I don't know why that came up for the both of us, but it cause it was just a reminder of like, yeah, life is always going to have something that we unprepared for, something that kind of throws a wrench in the road and we're like the or the car breaks down, or whatever. You gotta like all right, I'm present, I'm here, how can I handle this? And then you move forward. But it's, which is why it's important to nurture and care for your mental health every single day, or, if not, if you can't do it every day, you don't have the capacity to that's okay too, once a week, but make it a priority. Make it a priority because you're making yourself a priority and it's like I am my person now.
Speaker 1:I'm like listen, I did the party hardy. I did the party hardy seven days a week, drank party hardy, hearty, hearty. And now I'm like, yeah, I still like to party, but I don't like to party hearty. But I also value being chill and having some dinner and hanging out and doing low-key things or meditating or doing a little vision board kind of thing. But then, yeah, we can go party hearty.
Speaker 1:But those in-between moments I need to reset. I need need, need, need Because otherwise I won't be able to properly function in the world. So, even if it's five minutes a day, I'm definitely like all right. Like you said, breath work, I'm breathing, I'm meditating or I listen to a specific music. We talked about this during that week. That past week, Dude, I needed to listen to music. I needed to go back to reading books to really just clear out what the heck this energetic thing was happening and these emotions. I was like, oh my gosh, all right, let's go back to reading books and just remember, nurture that intellectual part of your brain that needs, because clearly some of the imagination is going buck wild.
Speaker 2:Investing in your mental health will bring the right people about. We were just talking to a guest about building community and collaborating and how we can all help each other instead of being on our own little island. And then you're investing in yourself. You're like this little lighthouse, right, you're fully aligned and you know who you are and then you're just like bing, and so then you'll attract the right people. That will also be good for your mental health and you'll be good for theirs. And everybody has a down day. But I think the beauty of that is, I mean, for me, breathwork this past week.
Speaker 2:I don't know what was I crying about. It was something I'm afraid. If I invest in myself because I'm so used to going 90% for people, I'll be alone. That's my function of living. That's the benefit that I have to others. You call me, I can always be there or like I like to help physically with my time or whatever.
Speaker 2:But then, when it gets to the point that it's hurting you, it takes a lot of courage to invest in yourself and take care of your physical, mental, spiritual being, because you might lose people for a period of time or maybe forever. So, letting go of that understanding, I've had people leave and come back in my life and it wasn't like I was always, you know, doing something crazy. It was just like they were meant to go on their own journey for a while. We both were, we did our thing. We came back better and it's cool when you do the work we're talking about controlling our environment or controlling our other people or what's happening. That's the only way you can control it. Just focus on you and I've seen change in other people around me because I just was like hug myself, invest here, work on my mental health and somehow energetically, then whatever got resolved, yeah definitely working on yourself.
Speaker 1:It also if it forces people to show their two cards and show their true self and what their intention is with you and how either dependent or how succubus they are of you and or how much they care about you truly and like. You know, because when you pull back, eventually it's either they're going to miss your energy because you were feeding them in some way to boost them, or they're going to be like, wow, I wonder how they're doing, like I haven't heard from them. And then you genuinely go, wow, I wonder how they're doing. Like I haven't heard from them. And then you genuinely go, oh, I care about them, I miss them, I want to know what's going on in their life. Why haven't they? You know, let me check on them and see how they're doing. And then you realize, oh, those are the people, those are my people, those are my people and that's fine. You know we're constantly off of your energy, you don't know. You know, because you're making them feel better, and then that's necessarily a bad thing. As life coaches, that what that's a part of what we do truly is you're not feeding off our energy, but we're feeding you energy that's going to help boost you right, we're, you know, we're talking from personal experience, we're talking from studies and things like that and from other clients and our practices. But it is valuable to understand that and understand how you just you got to be aware of pulling back sometimes in order to just nurture yourself. Fill up your own cup before you can, like I say, like the airplane, put on your mask before putting on somebody else's like that it's real, it really is real, and sometimes I am.
Speaker 1:You know, for me, I think what I had struggled with for a long time was, you know, I never thought that I can do anything on my own meaning businesses or just career having on my own and I had to process that for a really long time. It's like cause, every time I felt like I put myself out there, I was never quite seen the way I should have been or the way I see myself. I was always misjudged or this, you know, and I had to let go of that, like, oh, I want to put this energy in there because I don't want to showcase people my truth, who I am, because they're going to either try to tear me down or they're not going to understand, because I wasn't confident in who I was at that moment, right, which is why I didn't put myself out there, because I was afraid of the judgment. I was afraid of it and like, oh, I was dependent on the likes. Right, I was like I don't care, but I was dependent on the likes oh, are they going to like my picture or not, or are they going to like my stuff? And I had to process that that was something really, really big.
Speaker 1:Because of just my childhood, I never really felt accepted as I am until I found my group of friends who are still my friends to this day. But in the real world I didn't feel completely accepted as I am. There was always like, oh, you seem this way, you seem that way. I'm like, I'm not. That's also because I didn't know who I was truly. I was just kind of going through the motions and also playing a role. I was playing a role in other people's life that I think that they needed or expected of me. And when I finally dismantled that, then I was able to have autonomy over myself and over my choices and going all right. And now I can really say like, fuck it, and they don't like my picture, they don't like my reel, I'm still going to fucking put it out there anyway, cause you know what, someone out there is going to value it, and I was just saying like the more cringe it is to you, it's probably more powerful to somebody else who needs to see that.
Speaker 1:I got posted a Instagram of me actually crying and I honestly did not think twice about it. I was like, oh, I'm having a moment of crying and it wasn't like a sadness, it was just like an emotional release and I was like I just want to share that with somebody, because I remember a time when I was afraid of crying. I was truly afraid of crying and I held in my emotions and I was like I want people to know that it's okay to cry. It is a spiritual release, it is a physical release, it is necessary for our body process. Now, some people don't necessarily cry, but they want to like throw tantrums or, you know, even throw tantrums. But just like you know, there's different forms of it and I guess that's fine.
Speaker 1:But for me it was like crying, because every time I meditate I'm like, why am I crying during a meditation?
Speaker 1:But like I value it now I'm like, oh, if I'm not crying, something's wrong, right? I'm like what I should have a tear of, either happiness or sadness or something Like where are my tears at? Like my tear duct is dried, hold on. But for me, yeah, it was something I valued. And now I'm like I'm not afraid of putting myself out there anymore and if it's received, then it's received, and if it's not, it's okay too. It's fine, cause I know that my story matters, like I tell everyone, like my story matters and it mattered to me and it won't matter to somebody out there.
Speaker 1:Somebody needed to hear it. But you know why? Because I needed to hear it and that's what. That's what I always go back to. It's like if I need to hear this, then somebody else needs to hear this too, because it's not only for me, which is why we I was like all right, I gotta tell you now this past week was like really rough for tougher. It was a really rough, rough, yeah. Yeah, you were like yeah, girl, me too and I was like I was like what?
Speaker 2:yeah, it was. Yeah, I'm actually making a video about my brother who has autism and how he leans fully into his authenticity because that's just who he is and he doesn't care for a love on the spectrum, by the way oh I know, I know, once you watch it, they should watch it once you watch it just for the simple fact that this is how we should be moving through life same.
Speaker 1:That's the whole thing I'm because.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll post it eventually. It was, yeah, response to certain comments in the media recently and a lot of people reaching out to me like what do you have to say about this?
Speaker 2:And I was like I need some time with this. But essentially he's my role model, because you know, it's so wild being this person out in the world, you know, on this tall, blonde, symmetrical features, and oh, I'm modeling full time and acting full time and da, da, da da. But I get my strength from my brother because he's always who he is and he's just fearless. I can't talk about what he's afraid of, but anytime I'm like I can't do something or people will judge me, I think of him. That's where I am, where I am today. I got to think of how he interacts with the world, so I'm so grateful because he's just who he is, but you know.
Speaker 2:So I love that you're talking about that. Empowering yourself, which is how you see yourself, and connecting with the right people. Mental health Everybody's got something going on. You know my mom was talking about that yesterday and I believe in accountability. I believe, really, if you love people, you need to pay attention to how you have whatever's going to have an impact on others, but also know like you're the only ones really going to understand what's going on inside you. So you're going to do your best. You're human. You're going to make mistakes. Some days you're tired, some days are better than others.
Speaker 2:But seeking safety outside of yourself, when you have this thing going on in you inside of you, like for anxiety, you're not in the moment at all. Like, even if something is happening, it's, it's taking you somewhere, maybe in your past, something is triggering you and you're at a body. Now, if people don't struggle with extreme anxiety, they're not going to understand that. Stop trying to talk to them, explain what's going on. Stop it. You give yourself the validation. There's a reason that you're that way and, yes, you need to figure it out. Talk to a therapist or find your tools. Seriously, it's a chemical reaction.
Speaker 2:Talk to yourself, therapist, or find your tools. Seriously, it's a chemical reaction. It's a chemical reaction. Talk to yourself and ask yourself what's going on. Usually, something was my childhood happened that I never resolved, activating me now that I'm living in the past, afraid of the future. But I'm just like talking to her. I'm like why does that bother you? Well, you felt like you weren't heard, so you have to scream because as a child, you weren't given certain things that you needed you to figure out a lot on your own. Sometimes, yeah, something present day reminds you of that. So, consciously, you're going to freak out, but you're an adult. Have a little conference with the parts work, amanda. We have talked about this. Parts, yes, yes, as coaches yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the parts talk to each other's mental health.
Speaker 1:Like don't feel shame around it. Yeah, that's it. Yes, girl, I speak it. Speak the truth, because you know mental health growing up it wasn't addressed Like you know our parents, like they were going through these a lot of mental health issues, and you know it just wasn't properly addressed in a way that was caring or nurturing or even just a sense of awareness. It was more of like you can see something's wrong and they're smiling through their pain, but there is so much pain and anxiety and stress and whatever it is weighing on them and it just makes me think of like they're just certain, sometimes unfortunately, like I think of my uncle who unfortunately passed away because of alcoholism.
Speaker 1:But I know for a fact that there was something unresolved, there was some trauma. I know for a fact and I saw it in his eyes. I mean, I saw it and I so wanted to help him, but he was so far gone at that point that it was his choice to go. I'm done. I even remember him being in the hospital bed and he was ready for a drink, but he was yellow as that pillow behind you. He was yellow and he was like I want my drink. I just want to get out of here and have a drink. I'm like Jesus, like you know, you're dying Right but it was a mental illness that he was struggling with that just unfortunately was never addressed and and maybe just rushed and brushed under the rug. And you know, I I fear for that because I, I was like I see it and tear people apart and then it turns into ailments that you don't even know, like, like, why am I sick all of a sudden, or why is this happening? And then you, just it deteriorates the body and the mind. But you know, I value it so much now, especially after the film I did.
Speaker 1:I think the film that I did, the rest of us, that was the catalyst, along with, like you know, my brother passing, but that was the big catalyst of like actually doing a film about mental health and people committing and doing their lives and having happened like around nine, 11 and this whole story of NYU. And after doing that I was like, oh, mental health is really important. I got to start dressing this within myself and I and talking to people about mental health and really just being curious and I think, oh, not be curious, like tap into that younger self who was like exploring the world and like being curious, be curious about your mental health, be curious, learn. Don't take everything for what they say. You don't take the labels as out. Well, that's me, that's me and I'm going to define. No, you know, do your research and and talk to people, go to professionals, you professionals.
Speaker 1:But when I started doing that journey, I've really understood the value of addressing mental illness and mental health and it has shifted my life and I have a lot more empathy for people, I have a lot more empathy for myself, I have a lot more empathy for the world and it has allowed me to connect a lot better to just my environment and also be present and not necessarily forgive myself, forgive others, but also recognize what people are and not taking it personal, like that was like a lot, that was a big thing too. It's like, oh, you're going through something right now and I, you know what. You may be screaming at me for some reason or whatever it is, or you're like you know what, I'm not gonna take it personal, because I can see that you're going through something. It was that sense of awareness, so it really it gave it gave me a sense of empowerment when I was understanding and it makes me think of. Like Kristen Bell talks about mental health a lot and how she was like. You know she doesn't condone medication, but she is on medication because I was a, you know, a doctor I think a psychiatrist, I'm not sure, don't quote me on that and you know she was like. You know, not everybody needs medication, but for her she needed it and she was very open and honest about it. And so I think it is that open honesty about the conversation I'm circling back to why Mindset Artistry?
Speaker 1:Why we started Mindset Artistry? Because it came out of necessity. And I think this whole episode is really, you know, circling to the fact that why we didn't mind to artistry is because we needed it. It came from a necessity, it came from exploring ourselves. And we also recognize the universal understanding and the universal story and struggles that we were going through, that someone else was probably going through too, and the fact that we were processing and the fact that we were aware of it, the fact that we've healed from it. Someone else probably needs this advice too. Someone else is probably through this right now and we've already surpassed this level. Let's help them out. Let's let them know that they're not alone. Let's help them know that they have a community. Let's help them know that they are valuable, they are important, you know, and and we stand by that to this day. And then there's also things of like get your shit together, get that career together.
Speaker 2:You are the CEO, ma'am and sir, like you are.
Speaker 1:Like no one's going to do it for you. So get it together and you're like it's scary. Yeah, scary, but the most wonderful things in life are a bit scary because you're getting out of your comfort zone, you're trying something new and there are going to be mistakes. There are going to be moments where you feel like you failed. Only, don't define yourself by that failure. Use it as a catalyst. Use it as fuel to keep going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the empowering component of taking control of your own life and finding this balance as a person. That can be quite extreme. Even Andrew always jokes with me because he'd be like stretch your arm like this way and I'd be like bam. And he be like, stretch your arm like this way and I'd be like bam and he's like no, no, no, because for me it was just always get it done, like accomplish the task, find the tools that work for you. It could be breathwork, it could be journaling, a million gazillion things, but congratulate yourself for first having the awareness. If you keep hearing something about yourself from different groups of people it could be family, friends, people at work it might be something that you need to look at and, like you know, amanda's saying, go find some professional, but you always have control over your life and over you, so sit with it and be honest.
Speaker 2:This is hard. As coaches, we empower you to do this. Maybe this is something, a mental health thing I need to look at, because I do want to keep people in my life, but then also you need to have people in your life who hold you accountable. Be like hey, I need you to handle this and I can't always be around this, you know, but they're not going to constantly shame you and make that your identity. That's the most annoying thing, because you're trying so hard to work through your mental health and be the best human you can be, and if you have too many people that are just focusing on that part of you, maybe that's what they need you to be in their life, which is kind of like, and then you're just kind of like okay, I have all this other wonderful stuff going on too. So find the people that will hold you accountable but will also celebrate who you are as a whole, as a human.
Speaker 1:Amanda, what do you think is the best way to you know, I was just thinking as you, just thinking as you were saying. I love to surround myself and I'm grateful for it around women and people who don't yes me all the time. I don't want to be yesed all the time. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no. Call me the fuck out when I do something wrong or call me out. If you took that offensive, call me out. I'm okay with that, because I don't know what I don't know and I don't know where you're coming from. At the same time, I also value my friends, valuing how I am and how I react to certain things and how there are certain things in my life that I don't value, or there's certain things in like what your values are not my values, and what you find important is not important to me, and that's okay. There's this understanding and you know it's.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't say I was very lucky, very, very lucky, to have friends in high school that are still my, my, my friends to this day.
Speaker 1:You know Catherine and Miriam, and, and now you and even, like I mean, we've been friends for quite a while now and, and Tokyo, and I'm grateful because we've found each other in a space where we were already and then we just we allowed each other the space to be.
Speaker 1:And it's not always easy because in a world where women are constantly pitted against each other we've had this conversation on the podcast episode before about your community. But for me is, take a judge, not judgment, but take it with a grain of salt, like, don't like see people where they are, don't not where you want them to be or where you expect them to be, and that made a big difference. And I was able to see people as they are versus how I wanted them to be and how I wanted them to serve me. And as I did that, I was able to walk through the world a lot more aware of building a community, because I knew who I was and what I valued and I didn't take it personal if someone didn't value that either, and I just like acknowledge them. So for me, you know, you ask, like how do you go about building a community? Is you got to put yourself out?
Speaker 1:there put yourself out there. You just have to and, yes, be guarded. You know a bit, you know, but that comes down to boundaries not guarded, but boundaries. Have boundaries with people, you know. Recognize what people do rather than what they say, because people will show you by actions, not by words, most of the time. So if it's contradictory, pay attention. You don't have to take it personal because, again, you don't know what other people are living in their life.
Speaker 1:Like I said, you know, you and I, I we had a whole moment last week and we didn't talk to really to each other. I didn't text you right back, right away. So it's like we didn't. Neither of us took it personal. We just knew that we were going to show up for each other when we needed to at that moment, because we had, like you know, a couple of meetings. I was like, oh okay, I gotta be there for that. I was like, all right, all right, I'm there. It was the idea of, like I'm just going to let her be because clearly something's happening, cause I know Amanda enough oh, I know Janelle enough to know if she didn't respond to me within 24 hours or that day of something's happening, you know, and if I feel really concerned, that I'm going to definitely reach out.
Speaker 1:Hey girl, how you doing Everything, all right, cool, all right, all right, you know, check in, you know, is get out there. Find a community. What do you value in community? Do you value women, groups? Find a woman local group that you can reach out to. Find a community on Facebook. You know I'm a little weary about Facebook and groups because it's so far removed, sometimes because we have a screen of protection. But not necessarily a bad thing either, because then it gives some people a safe space to express themselves without feeling judged, because it's just letters, it's black and white on the screen, you know.
Speaker 1:And then you have you and I, like Janelle and myself I don't know how many times we get drilled into your heads, y'all, but we're here, we are constantly offering opportunities to work with us. We're here, we are constantly offering opportunities to work with us. And I get it. You know, finances can be a bit struggling or maybe you're too afraid to admit what's going on in your life. That's okay. This is a judgment-free zone. This whole conversation should have shown you how judgment-free it really is. We bared a little bit of our souls in this conversation, you know, and it's fine, it's okay.
Speaker 1:But you have you and I and find books and join a book club. Find something you value in your life and I'm pretty sure someone out there has a club about it. You've got running clubs, you've got yoga, you've got book clubs, you've got poetry, you've got painting clubs. There are everything you could think of. There's a community out there somewhere. And if not start it, I'm pretty sure if you start it, maybe one person's going to sign up this one time. That's okay, you commit 100,000% to that one person. And then another person's going to say, oh well, I saw this and I saw that you know, there's a community of spiritual people who don't drink but love to party. They but love to party, they like to party hard. So they are daytime DJs that do spiritual work, but they're like techno music. I'm like I'm all here for that, like, yes, you can dance at two o'clock in the afternoon, two to five to the six, great. And I mean like party hard. And everyone's like, yeah, good, there's a community out there.
Speaker 1:So again, find your community, find your. Again. Confirmations here. I just always think these things are confirmations in my head. I'm like confirmation, little thing thing. Uh, you know, set your boundaries, figure out, you know where your community are. Talk to a friend because you just honestly, sometimes we didn't. This whole conversation happened for minds and artistries, because we just feel like, hey, hi, how are you? What's going on? I'm struggling there. You go thumbs up, I'm struggling here, what are you doing? And you'd be surprised how open people are. You'd be surprised how open people are when you are too a little bit. And again, of course, set your boundaries. And when you're open, you got to also trust and accept the fact that not everybody's going to receive what you're saying the way you expect them to. People love differently, people experience things differently. People have different opinions and emotions and triggers and activations. So if you're going to say something, honor yourself by saying it Honor yourself.
Speaker 1:If you're saying I'm having a trouble in time and I'm just talking it out right now, it's okay, I'm just honoring myself. You don't have to necessarily receive it or give the best advice. I just need to let needed to let it out in someone to someone and thank you.
Speaker 2:And not everybody also has a capacity to take on what you're saying too, so be aware of that as well. And they say about boundaries people might not like them, but if you really uphold them, people will respect it, and we all communicate differently. What works for one person might not work for another, and boundaries don't have to be negative. Being really honest about where you're at and the right people will receive that. Maybe other people will make them mad, for whatever reason, with what's going on in them and they will resolve that and take it in. Or maybe they'll be gone forever and that's great.
Speaker 2:I think it's for a lot of my friends, because we're all everywhere. You just want to keep hanging out, but all of our lives are so crazy and I used to get bummed about that. But then I had to sit with myself like you know what's your life like. You're always in two different states, literally every week. So these are the types of friendships you have. You're not going to have a friendship where you see the person multiple days in a week, like you did when you were a kid. So just recognizing the phase of life you're in and not trying to compare your life to someone else's that has a different schedule.
Speaker 1:I've gotten more mature or just experienced life, you just recognize that you've got to pay attention to the situation that you were when you were like 16 to 23,. If you were in college, if you'd went to college or you went to high school, the environment was nurtured for you to see them every day. The environment was you were in their space and seeing them all the time lunch, you know. After school, college, you know. You you ran past each other in classes Like there were this, this, were harnessed and these were environments that you were going to see them. And then life happened and everybody had to make decisions based on how they were going to live their lives and expectations and roles that they had to play. And that's hard when you're stuck in 22 years of your life or actually 20, because, depending on when you went to start a school, that's an adjustment. I don't think that's talked about. That's a major adjustment of like, well, we got to make time now. Oh, I got to make time for you. Okay, how do I do that? When do I find that? Oh, I got to call you and we have to have conversations or have conversations or if that, whatever it is, let's meet up, because back then it was just like hey, you want to go grab lunch together? Great, great, great. We see each other in the halls and like move on, whatever. But now it's. It requires effort, it requires care and value.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you saying that too, because, no, I have best. I have my best friend and I moved across the country, across the state, and I don't see her all the time and, honestly, we don't talk as often as we want to. But I make time and I'll be telling her all the time. Girl, I'm so sorry I didn't call you, I didn't text you. Let's plan like a virtual movie date and we'll eat popcorn or whatever. And then I also have a friend who I literally you know, catherine.
Speaker 1:Catherine is the phantom of the hour for friends, but we never not value each other. We always show up for each other and I may not speak to her for six, seven months. I know she's doing her thing. We speak through like memes on social media and stuff, and I know she's alive and I click text here and there and then we'll randomly call each other and we'll be on the phone for two hours and we're having the most intellectual conversations. We're sharing what's been happening in our lives. We're talking about spirit, we're talking about all these amazing things. I'm like, okay, girl, all right, yeah, that was great, cool, cool, love you. We'll talk to you in a little bit and then I may not hear from her for weeks.
Speaker 1:I mean, I see her or whatever, and it's okay because I value the moment that we had and I know it's nothing personal against me. She has her life, she has a family, she has businesses she's taking care of, and so do I. We have different goals, different aspirations, and I respect that. So you have to respect people where they are. You have to respect their values. You have to respect their goals. Even if you don't understand it, catherine and I are not in the same field, but she respects that I am an actor. She respects that I do the things that I do and I respect what she's doing as well, and that's that I respect it. I may not understand it, but I respect it and I honor that.
Speaker 1:So for you to, when you find a community, is honor each other. Honor them where they are Now. Of course, we have expectations and visions of where our friends, where we want them to be. Of course we all do. People are partners, like well, I know, I have hopes for you, yeah, but also recognize where they are, you know and accept them, and then it's up to you how you react. You know what I mean, and so I just, yeah, I'm very grateful to have people that I have in my life, which is why I feel so passionate about being a life coach, because I know a lot of women, even men, who just struggle with finding community. I'm like you don't have to struggle anymore, you've got one right here, because everyone in a part of our community is there. They feel the same way you do. We as human beings are supposed to collaborate. We're supposed to be surrounded by people. Granted, I love being alone too, but there's a value in community, there's value in collaborations. How do you know life if you haven't lived it?
Speaker 2:You don't you just got to get out there and do it.
Speaker 1:I know it's scary and maybe you don't have the finances, but there's something out there that maybe is a grant or funding or just some free event that you can host at someone's house and there's little things that we can do to have a sense of community and connect so many different things, so many free things. So just go out there and find what lights you up and get going and take it with a grain of salt and always remember to nurture your self-love, your self-power, your self-care and be kind to yourself throughout this whole process, because it can get mucky, it can get ugly, it can get dark, it can get nasty, like all of the things, all the things upsetting and all of that. But love yourself through it. Love yourself through it Truly. And that's a wrap on this episode of Mindset Artistry Podcast. Don't forget to like share and subscribe.
Speaker 1:Catch us every Thursday for a new episode to help you master the art of your mindset. Yeah, we got it. Yes, okay, cool.