Mindset Artistry
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Mindset Artistry
Starting Anew: Aries Season Birthday Special
What if you never have to start over again? What if, instead, you're always starting anew with all your wisdom, experience, and resilience already built in?
As we celebrate our birthdays this April, we're reflecting on the powerful distinction between starting over and starting anew. The past 365 days have taught us that nothing is wasted—not our pain, doubts, fears, or failures. Every experience prepares us for the next version of ourselves.
Janelle shares how the pandemic's impact on her modeling career led her to rediscover her passion for teaching and coaching. What seemed like a setback became the catalyst for this podcast and a thriving coaching practice. Meanwhile, Amanda reveals her journey moving from New York to LA and how she learned that leaving her comfort zone didn't mean leaving behind her foundation—it meant building upon it.
We explore the three pillars of resilience that make fresh starts possible: emotional regulation, growth mindset, and purpose. These aren't just abstract concepts—they're practical skills that allow you to face challenges without being defined by them. Our favorite insight? Your purpose often springs from what you lacked or needed most as a child and learned to give yourself.
Whether you're contemplating a major life change, recovering from a setback, or simply feeling stuck, this episode will help you recognize your inherent capability to evolve without erasing your past. We share practical tools including a powerful emotional clearing technique and three questions to connect with your higher self.
Join us for this birthday reflection and leave with the understanding that every day offers a chance to begin anew. What will you do with your next 365 days?
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This is the Mindset Artistry Podcast. I'm Amanda DeBraux, an actor or actress per your reference, and an inner voice life coach, and I'm Janel.
Janel Koloski:Koloski, an actor and career and mindset coach. We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset, to teach you the artistry of what we learned to keep your mind in check Over the course of our lives.
Amanda Debraux:we've taken on the journey of healing, living and being authentically ourselves, as we successfully built our individual careers in the entertainment industry.
Janel Koloski:This podcast is designed for you so you can discover your goals and courageously reach them at your highest potential, while being a hundred and thousand percent yourself.
Amanda Debraux:What you'll get from us is real, dirty and okay, a little more like a lot of quirky, along with special elite guests that nurture empathy and create a safe space without judgment. So get ready to build a mindset that is unapologetically you and excel beyond the stars. Welcome to the Mindset Artistry Podcast. That's good. Welcome back to another episode of Mindset Artistry, where it's the space you can dive into personal growth, transformation and stepping into the most powerful version of yourself. I'm your host, amanda Dubois, and on the other side we have the beautiful, the fabulous, Janel Koloski. Every time I feel like you're delayed, when you say that, you're like I don't know what's my name, co-host to the Mindset Artistry Podcast.
Janel Koloski:I'm Janelle.
Amanda Debraux:And, as you can see, it is a birthday episode. It's April and it is our birthday, so we're going to celebrate and say happy birthday to us. Yes, happy birthday, and, ironically enough, hers is the first and mine's is the fourth Days apart. Aries love, aries power. I'm here for it.
Amanda Debraux:So, because it's our birthday, we wanted to take an opportunity to talk about what it means to live 365 days not the year, but a year from your birthday. What that means like starting anew, fresh starts. So, as you all know right, one year is 365 days, 8,760 hours, and that's how much time has passed since our last birthdays and today. So I'm sitting here reflecting on one of the biggest truths I've learned that there's no such thing as starting over. It's about starting anew. For the longest time, I thought change meant erasing everything and rebuilding from scratch, but life doesn't work that way. Every lesson, every experience, every heartbreak, every victory, every failure, it all builds on itself. So today I want to take you on a journey through the biggest lessons I've learned and we've learned in the past year, and what I wish I knew before 35, which I'm not going to give you my proper age, but it's somewhere around there losing yourself. It's about finding the version of you that was waiting to breathe all the layers of yourself, bringing it to life. So, whether you're in the midst of your own transformation, think about taking a leap, or wondering if it's too late to start something new. This is the episode for you. So grab your tea I'm taking my coffee, take a deep breath and let's dive in.
Amanda Debraux:So, 365 days from the day that you were born, every year we think about January 1st being a big thing. Right, oh, it's the first of the year, but every year we have something to celebrate the fact that we're still alive. And it's our birthday, and we celebrate. Some people celebrate their birthday, some people don't. I don't celebrate it as like I used to. I don't got the stamina compared to my 20s baby. I cannot be up until no five, six o'clock in the morning, like I used to break at night and then doing it again, sleeping for an hour, getting up and doing it again, like that is baby. That's not.
Janel Koloski:I don't know if my soul could take that anymore.
Amanda Debraux:To be very honest, that's why I'm tired. This is why rest is necessary. Restarts are necessary. So you know, and I used to think that if I changed direction in life, that it meant starting over, and that if I left New York I'd have to rebuild everything from scratch, that if I didn't make it in New York then I couldn't make it anywhere.
Amanda Debraux:Growing up in New York it was such a big thing, seeing all the shows and just people. To me it meant, if you couldn't make it in New York, how could you make it anywhere else? New York was the melting pot of success, the melting pot of culture, the melting pot of experiences and opportunities. It was hard for me to leave New York and that was one of the biggest things I had to overcome last year. And if I didn't make it there, then where would I make it? But the truth is, I was never starting from zero. I was starting with experience, with wisdom, with resilience, and then that changed everything for me.
Amanda Debraux:Every time we're faced with challenges, we have two choices See it as a setback or see it as a set up for what's next. And this is what the past year has taught me, and I learned that nothing is wasted Not our pain, not our doubts, not our fears, not our failures or mishaps. Every single experience prepares us for the next version of ourselves. So I'm going to ask a question, and this is going to be a very interactive episode, because we've decided that we're going to start asking questions and we want you to get into the conversations with us and involve you in it. So I want you to take a moment and think about your life and when you thought you were starting over. What if you weren't starting over? What if you were just stepping into a new level? Drop in the comments. You know I want to hear your stories, but now I want to pass it on to you. Like, when was a moment where you thought you were starting over, and was it actually you starting over or was it something that you needed to step into?
Janel Koloski:to level up the beginning of the pandemic. A lot of my modeling work slowed down and that carried through for a few years and that was scary and I felt like, oh my gosh, I don't want to have to do things I don't want to do again. But then I reminded myself, well, I do have these other passions and it's so beautiful out of that. I thought I wanted to get into nutrition, to study nutrition, to eventually help my brother with his autism one day, and myself, because nutrition, you know, your gut health and all of that matters. But then when I went to speak to someone about the nutrition school they attended, she said I think you need a life coach certification. I think you should start coaching people. And I'm like what would I coach? She's like I don't know, you've kind of been doing this modeling creative business thing for years. I was like okay.
Janel Koloski:So then it wasn't truly starting over because, while modeling was a little slower, I got to get back into teaching. I have a teaching degree, I've worked in classrooms, I taught dance, I was a tutor from the fourth grade up super nerd over here and so it really wasn't starting over. It was revisiting an old passion that I had, and then we got to start this beautiful podcast together. Where it started out, we were just having conversations with each other and I remember listening back and even if it could be something you were saying or something I was saying, I'm like damn, that's good, just like the stream of consciousness. So the coaching and the podcast and we've met and the clients I've coached, it's added to my life in a way that you know, modeling hasn't been able to fulfill that part, and so I'm grateful that there was that space.
Amanda Debraux:I love that for you because I was just having a conversation with someone. This whole year has taught me again that nothing is purposeless, it's always purposeful. Again, that nothing is purposeless, it's always purposeful. That has been my motto for the past few years, but especially this year. This past, like 365 days from my last birthday. Because here's the thing I literally moved to LA April 1st and I'm coming on a full year of April 1st here and it's going to be my birthday three days later. So for me it was like really figuring out what is this new journey for me? What does this mean for me? What skills and experiences that I've already had that I can cultivate, nurture and build upon here. And that was really scary for me. That was really really scary for me. So we're going to explore how to cultivate resilience really really scary for me. So we're going to explore how to cultivate resilience, build sustainable growth habits and reinvent ourselves in a way that aligns with your deepest truth. So stick with me, because I know by the end of this episode, you're going to have tools to start fresh, to be powerful and unapologetically. You, as you know, we already talked about this amazing thing, so thank you for sharing that. Drop in the comments again.
Amanda Debraux:But what is reinvention right Like? What does that even mean? Reinvention isn't about waiting for the moment or for the right moment. It's about choosing to create it. How many times have we waited for a new year, a new job, the perfect circumstances or someone to give us a handout? Just tell us how to do it before we make the changes, before we even made the changes.
Amanda Debraux:And the truth is, every single day is a chance to start anew, is a chance to choose something different than we did yesterday. So it's like psychologists call this the fresh and effect, which suggests that people are more likely to adapt new habits or set goals during meaningful time markers like birthdays or Mondays. So here's the real secret you don't need to wait for a date on the calendar. You can decide right now that today is the beginning of something new, and last year that was the beginning of something new. So, instead of waiting for January 1st, do it on your birthday. Do it twice a year, try it new, set new goals. Don't feel like you have to wait. Do it today, do it tomorrow.
Amanda Debraux:Every day is an opportunity to start anew, and so, for me, one of the things that I learned last year and going into this year, this full cycle of, you know, leaving, is that I was capable. Even though I doubted right, even though I was going to a place where I didn't have, like family, close family, nearby, you know, a bus ride away, a car drive away, I could do it, I can do it and I did do it. I did everything that I thought I couldn't do, I did it anyway. So I decided in that moment that not only was I going to try, I was going to do. There's a big difference Some people try and give up People try and give up.
Amanda Debraux:We're not about trying, we're about doing it, just do it. As you know, janelle and I, we're not about trying, we're about doing it, just do it. As you know, janelle and I, we're doing it. We're always in the background, you don't know, like, this is one of our things, like we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it because we're getting things done. We're doing the things as we say. Doing the things, we're doing it.
Amanda Debraux:And you know, even if it's one small step, you know, I'm always looking at choices as an opportunity to step forward and align with my authenticity, my truth, my power and where I want to see myself in the next five, 10, 20 years from now. And it may not be what I expected in 20 years from now, but that's okay, as long as I'm striving towards something that is evolved I'm not saying better, evolved Every day is an opportunity for us to evolve. So now, like you know, talking about, like, fresh starts. What was a fresh start for you, because we're coming on a full year of our birthday, crazy, crazy. What was a fresh start moment that you had from April 1st to April 1st of this year?
Janel Koloski:I decided to move full time to the Poconos because my heart was in so much pain. You know I'm in love with Andrew, who's now my husband. But it was such a scary jump because I still work in the city and it was super uncomfortable because I thought how am I going to make this work? I don't want a whole apartment. That's the other thing. I was like I'm not having an apartment. I don't want to have a space separate from my husband. That's so annoying to me. And I felt so scattered. That was the other thing. I was like I'm tired of feeling scattered everywhere, lacking the clarity, knowing where my things are buying double, and it's just like that has an impact on your energy. But I was like can I do it? Can I really live in the Poconos and still have a career in the city?
Janel Koloski:And it required me to rely on my community. I had to reach out to a group of friends and say, hey, I can throw you so much cash per night, I just need a safe place to stay. And I was like this seems scattered as well, but it's not because I come home. This is my home that Andrew and I have built together with our rabbit fig, and that's what my heart was longing for. And I get to be in the woods and breathe you know not choking on the smoke from a taxi, the exhaust and come from a grounded place and just pack whatever I need in the suitcase and then it becomes more of a fun adventure and I'm leaning on community and staying with friends. But I just want people to follow their intuition. If you have like this, it's like my soul is sick. I was like there has to be this change and it was super uncomfortable. But I'm very happy that I followed through Because I was like this is too much.
Amanda Debraux:This is too much. That's so funny. I remember that whole journey and that decision-making of like I am finally going to just not have my own place and be with my hubby, my husband, and listen me. On the other hand, I'm like I need my space, you have your space and I have mine and I'm okay with that too. To each their own. So don't feel like that you have to have a space with your partner, just saying, but not there, cause I like my own space. Just saying, but I love that for you and you know it's interesting because it was as you were saying that I was just thinking about. You have to know yourself and that journey is so long with every year that we pass, with every age that we evolved to, because you know there's an opportunity for us to evolve and we learn something about ourselves. We should never stop learning about ourselves Ever.
Amanda Debraux:I was just having this conversation with my cousin and we were just talking about the difference between immaturity, maturity and wisdom and she's like well, people are immature because they focus on their emotions and they don't care. I said that's not necessarily true. The difference is, is that immaturity is about someone who one knows that they have, like either a bad habit or a lesson that they knew, that they went through and are actively choosing not to change it, or actively choosing to cause harm to someone else through their actions and through their emotions. Wisdom, which is knowing, I have, I'm activated in this moment, but I'm choosing the evolved version of that emotion. That's the difference between wisdom and immaturity. It's the choices we make, knowing that, oh, I have this habit of kind of ignoring and it happens, but in that moment, you're choosing to recognize it, you've accepted it, you've honored it and now you're going. I'm going to choose something different. That's the difference between wisdom. And with every year that we grow or evolve, we have choices. These are these wisdom nuggets that we have that we can choose to be the 22-year-old version of ourselves, or we can choose to be the 35-year-old version of ourselves, or I'm not going to give you my age, but you know the 35 version of ourselves. And so again, choices, right, that is about also starting afresh. Like, starting new is the choice that we make in that moment to go. I am going to choose a fresh thought, I'm going to choose the opposite, and that's what happened when I moved here.
Amanda Debraux:It was like, okay, I know I have all these experiences from New York. New York is my foundation. New York is as scary as it was to come out of my comfort zone. It's a part of me and it's never going to leave me. And that's the beauty, right? I never want to not claim where I've come from, but I also want to give myself the opportunity to evolve where I'm going, and I can't do that in New York. I can't do that in the same space of my comfort zone.
Amanda Debraux:It's like that, you know, having a flower on me or a tree and planting that seed in a small pot. It's only going to grow as big as the pot you put it in. But if you keep letting it grow and then changing the soil and putting it in something bigger and nurturing it, watering it, changing the soil, doing all the things that need to be done in that moment, and then switching it out again and allowing it to grow, it's going to be vibrant and every season is going to change right. There is, just like the trees and the flowers and the bees and all the things there's hibernation, there's rest, there's renewal, there's purge and then there's growth, there's spring, like the spring equinox that we're getting ready to be in. Happy spring, everybody. It's time to bloom. It is time to start afresh to bloom, it is time to start afresh.
Amanda Debraux:So you know, that was one of the things that it was really hard for me to let go of. It was really really hard for me to let go of because I'm kind of stubborn darling. I'm an Aries. I'm very hardheaded, very hardheaded. But as I've evolved and tapped into my wisdom, I'm choosing not to be stubborn in certain situations, unless it has to do with setting boundaries or has to do with my safety. Now, my comfort zone is a big difference Safety versus the comfort zone. Comfort zone keeps you stagnant. Safety gives you the ability to do something regardless of the circumstances around you.
Amanda Debraux:This is a thought because it's happening. All these things are happening right now, because I'm just so excited. Oh yeah, I did it, I made it. I'm proud of myself, and it's recognizing and celebrating these small moments, recognizing and taking a moment to see how far you've come, to see what you've learned about yourself, to see what experiences taught you throughout this year or this full life cycle, I'm going to say your life cycle has taught you and how you can bring that to the next year. What are your goals for the next year? What do you see yourself the following year of your life cycle? So here's the beauty, right? So growth doesn't come without resilience, right? So challenges, failures, setbacks are not signs to quit. They're not signs to quit Sometimes. They're redirections. Right, they're opportunities for us to redefine and refine our approachine what we think we want for our lives, right? Why are you laughing?
Janel Koloski:I just thought and I'll talk about it later about how I noticed a trend of how, in the fall and the spring, I'm brought to my knees and I'm like build resilience, anyway, continue.
Amanda Debraux:Because I was like ah, that's the only one. The fall listen, I like that, I like that For sure, for sure, for sure. Let me tell you hibernation, fall right. And the thing also about this too is about growth is understanding that these challenges are to benefit you. They're benefiting you, whether you realize it in that moment or not, but you have to consciously say and subconsciously acknowledge that this challenge is necessary. This setback is necessary to shift, to maneuver, to get to the next step, because maybe this setback is just redirecting you towards an opportunity that is better set for you, that's better aligned for your purpose, or it's a setback, or a challenge, or a failure and I don't really believe in failures, more so setbacks, but a lot of people identify with failures but it's an opportunity to go. Maybe I need to focus on something else.
Amanda Debraux:Like Janelle did, she reached out to her community. When I came to LA, I reached out to the community that I had here. I allowed myself to go okay, who do I have and who do I know? That can kind of help me and I'm not going to rely on that. I'm 100%. But I'm going to ask questions, I'm going to get to know where I'm going. It gave me a sense of security. It gave me a sense of control just a little bit, and not a bad control. It gave me a sense of control knowing that I know my environment, I know where I'm going, I know who I'm going with, so it doesn't feel so out of reach.
Amanda Debraux:That is also understanding growth and that's the concept of resilience. Resilience is your ability to adapt, to bounce back, to thrive despite the obstacles, despite the challenges. We're already born resilient. We're already born resilient, right? Oh, we just kind of keep believing that because, as kids, what do we do? We fall. We scrape our knee. We get back up, maybe laugh about it. Yeah, we cry about it too, but we always got back up. Society has told us if we fall, that means we're incapable of getting back up, especially as women. We're constantly told what to do, how to do it, how we should, the roles that we need to play in life, the titles you know, and I had for a long time defined that.
Amanda Debraux:One of the biggest things I also had to learn about this year, this past year of growth for my birthday, is that I was defining myself on my titles Actor, creator, coach, podcast host and I thought that I had to just be one thing. I had to cut off everything else and all the other opportunities that I had to do, like digital marketing and producing and directing and writing. I was like, no, I can't do that because I already have this. There's not enough space for that. And so I was defining myself by these titles, I was defining myself by these roles and I wasn't allowing myself to live simultaneously doing them.
Amanda Debraux:Now we can do I'm not saying to do it all at once, it's not possible but what I'm saying is it's allowed to exist all at once. You can be the beautiful woman, you can be the wife, you can be the mother, you can be the actress, you can be the producer, you can be the director, you can be the digital marketer, you can be the creator. You can be all those things simultaneously. Sometimes you just need to nurture one more than the other, and that's okay.
Amanda Debraux:But I had to give myself permission to do that and as I did that, I also started diving into because Janelle knows, since last year, baby, I was really struggling with my skillset. It's like I have so many skills, what do I do with it? I don't know. I forget my skillsets. I don't know what I'm capable of I just happen to forget these things.
Amanda Debraux:I'm like, yeah, I worked in corporate or did this and this. Oh, yeah, I did do that. Oh, okay, how can I use that? I literally forgot and didn't realize that that was my capital, that was my asset, that I can transition into a job, an opportunity, a collaboration. So now I want to ask you this, because you have so many titles, you have so many roles in life. You're a model, you're an activist, you're a beautiful sister, you're a wife, now Once a girlfriend, now a wife, a podcast host, an actress you are all these amazing things. What is your view on these titles or these roles, and how have you learned to transform that into your in your life and either let it go claim them or let them live out the way they're supposed to?
Janel Koloski:oh, I had a thought about resilience because of the fall and the spring thing. Um, and then, like the juggling the titles is a big one for both of us something about the end of the fall I don't know if it's coming into the hibernation that you were speaking of, but it's like that's when my cars are breaking down or like this thing isn't working out or that thing isn't working out. And then the spring, with the taxes that we've both been talking about, and it's just something about being really forced to look at your life and be honest about certain things. Resilience does come through that pushing past the uncomfortable situation, and one of my favorite things that my coach had me do, and now I have my clients do, is that day in the life of the dream life you want to have. But the step that people forget is if you're not that person yet and you're asking what does this person do? How do they live their life, and that's not natural to you, you're going to have to have that resilience to break through the old mold, the old patterns and the change that you speak of and how it takes you to that level. You can't keep doing this and expect this. You literally have to change who you are as a person and that requires resilience. And so I love we're talking about this and Amanda and I are really rooting for you.
Janel Koloski:You know, and having a brother with special needs and just coming from the family I come from, we don't have a lot of money, and so it actually just like it makes me emotional to think about like I remember having a breakdown last fall and like I can't do this, I'm not strong enough. And my mom, even if she wanted to give me money, she just can't, and that's okay, you know. But she was just like if anybody can do it, janelle, you can. That's all that person believing in you when you can't believe in yourself. And just hearing my mom say that and I had to cry and I had to scream and I had to punch pillows because I was just so frustrated. I'm like I'm just so tired. I'm tired of evolving and growing, but she's like, but the person that you're meant to be, and you're evolving and you're already becoming this beautiful woman that I admire, she's like you can do it. And then it's just like a hero's journey, all right, and getting up again. And so Amanda and I are here to say you've got this. If anyone can do it, it's you and it has to be you. You know people could give you things, but then you're not going to find the way that you find it for yourself and the way that will strengthen you Because, like Amanda said, I I found that I could do it looking inside myself.
Janel Koloski:So, um, something I learned this year and I'm making Amanda cry, um, but yeah, and and navigating the make myself cry too, navigating the different roles. I have to ask myself who am I doing this for in different times? Because I do love being the wife now and modeling and acting and co-hosting this beautiful podcast, the Manda, and coaching people and all of that. But then it's really making sure that I'm giving Janelle enough space and time, just the authentic version of who I am, when you take all of those titles away. Is she grounded, is she happy, is she aligned, is she getting what she needs? Because if not, she can't be all the other things.
Janel Koloski:So that's something that I really learned this year and it was scary for me because I've had this habit of going 90% for people, because I get excited and I love people and I want to help, but, just like my mom encouraged me. She's like you got to be able to help yourself and let people find their way, and when you're neglecting yourself it's really hard to hold all those titles. So just really giving myself the space that I need to just be grounded and aligned with my own ideas is super powerful. And then you can be like well, how does that fit into all these different roles? So that was a lot, but I think answering two questions I guess.
Amanda Debraux:No, that was great, because that leads me into what are the qualities of resilience, and you've really identified what they are. You know there are quite a few, but the three key traits that identify resilience within ourselves is that emotional regulation, it's recognizing that these setbacks don't define you. They don't have to define you. They don't ever. Even our past doesn't have to define us. Opinions from other people don't have to define us. It is our choice how we define who we are and, like Janelle said, identifying your authentic truth. What do you need? What do you want? What do you desire in life? What do you like to fucking do? Like, what do you love to do? It allows them to feel the emotions, but don't dwell on them, right? We don't. When we are able to be emotionally regulated, we acknowledge the emotion that's behind it, talking about the maturity and the immaturity versus, like, the wisdom. We understand that this is what we, as coaches, are and we're still doing it through our lives, because it's going to continuously happen, because we're in a lifelong journey and we're constantly evolving. But when we recognize and can take a moment and pause, like Janelle did, and acknowledge the emotion that's coming up right now, acknowledge it. It's okay to feel angry, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel jealous or all these things, but don't define yourself by that emotion. When we take action in that emotion it always comes from a negative intention, always Because it's not aligning with our truth, our authentic truth and our alignment, naturally, when we're born, is abundant, it's joyful, it's peaceful, it's empathetic. We naturally are born that way. No baby comes out and like oh, angry at life. You know, like the elemental, you know, when you have the anger it's like no baby is automatically coming out. They're crying because they don't know how to articulate what they're feeling. This is like a shocker. You've got these bright lights in our eyes. You're like what is happening here? I was just in the warm nustle of my mama's belly and now I'm in this bright place, like what is this? Of course it's shocking, but it's our responsibility to learn how to emotionally regulate. And that's one of the key traits for someone who has resilience, because, regardless of the fear, regardless of the doubt, we're still going to do it anyway, even if it takes a little time. That's okay too, because we have to process the fear, we have to process the doubt, we have to process that. That's okay. Sometimes it's not done right away, absolutely okay, but there is a moment that we decide to step forward.
Amanda Debraux:It's also the second trait is that growth mindset, understanding that you know using these circled challenges or setbacks or failures are just learning opportunities. It's a redirection again. They're not your personal shortcomings, they're opportunities for you to evolve and create strengths, create that resilience within yourself. It's understanding that you will always be growing and you're never going to know everything. It's impossible and you're never going to know everything. It's impossible, impossible, and that's a beautiful thing too. Stay curious that's also about the same thing, about resilience is staying curious within that growth mindset.
Amanda Debraux:And the third is really purpose and meaning. Again, that goes back to authenticity and knowing your inner truth is you have to anchor yourself in the vision of who you are, what you want to become and what you're moving toward and how you want to be perceived in the world. How do you want to act in the world? How do you see yourself in the world? Do you see yourself as small, as unnoticed, unseen, unheard, incapable? Then everyone else is going to see you as incapable. There we go, thumbs up, incapable. It happens right. So we have to also go back and define our purpose, and something beautiful I saw over the social media recently was that how do you know your purpose? And calling it's the thing that we lacked or the thing that we needed most when we were a kid that we learned how to give ourselves. That's what your purpose is. So if you felt unseen, but now you know how to see yourself, that's your purpose to teach people how to be seen, how to accept yourself. If you felt unaccepted and all you wanted to do was be accepted as a kid, about who you are, and you do that now, that is your gift to someone else to show that they can be accepted for who they are. That's where I come from. My empowerment and transformation coaching comes from that, because for so long I didn't see myself, I didn't know who I was, I didn't know how to nurture and speak up for myself, and so when I discovered that and I learned how to do that for myself, I'm like, oh, I can teach people how to do that too. Great, it's learning how to reach behind us so that we can pull someone forward.
Amanda Debraux:I ask you, how do you currently handle setbacks and what's one way that you can shift your response to the challenges in this next chapter of your life. This is something you really have to dive into. Take these moments. Do not be afraid to explore who you are, because then someone else will define you. If you don't claim who you are, if you don't claim what you want to do, someone else will define that for you.
Amanda Debraux:And then what happens? We get depressed, we get anxiety, we don't know who we are. We're walking through life like zombies all these things. It's like I didn't want to do this. This is so terrible. That's not what we want for you, that's what I didn't want for myself, because I did that already. Not that it wasn't purposeful, it was purpose. It served a purpose because I was able to use these skills, like working in the corporate world, getting my degree in forensic psychology. All of these things served something in my life.
Amanda Debraux:And if you see that way too, you also recognize that these again, these hiccups, these setbacks, these places where you don't feel like you belong, they're serving something. They're bringing something to the root that you need to acknowledge, that you need to nurture, that you need to also challenge. You need to challenge these inner thoughts of telling you you can't, you won't and you're not worthy of it. Challenge those thoughts. That's also resilience. Challenge the thoughts that tell you you can't do something Always Right, exactly, and so we're going to wrap up this episode soon. But I also want you know one of the most powerful things that you can do is to define who you're becoming right. So not only will you acknowledge where you were your past, but it's like with all of that, who are you becoming now?
Amanda Debraux:Now, too often, we focus on what we want to do, but the true transformation happens when we focus on who we want to be. What do you want to be tomorrow? You want to be someone that you know inspires the world. Do you want to be someone that brings light to the world? Do you want to be someone that is a successful actress that collaborates with people? Who do you want to be? This is your choice.
Amanda Debraux:Again, do not let someone define this for you, because the more you define it for yourself, the more you tap into that, the more you can stand in your truth and say that's not me. I'm sorry, you got that wrong. Let me tell you who I am, and it's your choice how you take it or not. I am, and it's your choice how you take it or not. So here's a great exercise for you to figure out. What do I want to be right? So I want you to grab your journal or even ask these questions out loud, maybe when you're in the shower, maybe when you're in the pooper, because we're always kind of quiet when you're on the pooper. You're thinking on hmm right, I know most of the most profound thoughts happen either in the shower, on the poop or something, or walking right. So use these opportunities, dive in, ask these questions. So three questions.
Amanda Debraux:If my higher self could leave me a message, what would they say? What would they say to you right now? And it's higher self meaning maybe the person that's the evolved version of you 10 years from now, 20 years from now. The higher self that's not living in the ego, the higher self that's let go of the pain and suffering and trauma and generational trauma that we attach to the contracts, spiritual contracts that we've attached to and signed decades ago and years ago. This person let that go, voided these contracts and decided I'm choosing me and my higher purpose. What would I say to you right now? Secondly, what habits, mindset or environment do I need to let go of to become the version of me? I can tell you that was the one that hit me the hardest. It was the one that hit me the hardest Because, at the end of the day, I was choosing to stay in these environments. I was choosing to stay in that small pot. It was no one else, it was me Always.
Amanda Debraux:And then, third, is what's one small, immediate step that I can take today toward embodying this person? One small step. It doesn't have to be so hard and heavy. It can be one small step that I'm going to choose. Joy today, because I've been in a rut, right? Because one small step leads to a second one, a third one and then bigger steps. Because your future self isn't waiting for permission. They're waiting for action, baby. They're waiting for you to take the action. Your future self isn't and your higher self isn't waiting for permission. That's not what they need. They gave it to themselves already. They gave themselves, they validated for themselves and they're like I'm taking the action, I'm doing it anyway. Everyone said no, but I'm gonna say yes to me, right? Is there a question that you'd like to add to this so that our audience can think about this as they are approaching this new version of themselves, this next chapter, this spring's awakening, this blooming season.
Janel Koloski:I would say ask yourself how am I going to hold myself accountable to the future version of me, myself accountable to the future version of me? So I had to do that. Today I got a message and then I asked another question and the response I got you know, the current version that's evolving and an older version of me would have really set me off into like and an older version of me would have really set me off and took like really sad and angry and upset and rejection and that feeling did come up. But then I've been working on grounding myself through breath right and asking myself will this matter five years from now and these things. But that's how I hold myself accountable because I got that toolkit and we're always talking about man. He's got all these amazing toolkits and we gave you tools today. Accountable because I got that toolkit and we're always talking about man. He's got all these amazing toolkits and we gave you tools today because the person I want to be that's not going to rock them as much, but also viewing this person with compassion, because we're Aries, we're fire, we're stubborn, but that person's allowed to feel how they feel. Thank you for showing me how you feel. You've released me and now I can go be with people that align with the joy and the vibrancy and the we can all rise together type of community I want to be part of.
Janel Koloski:But I had to let go of needing to be connected to anybody I've ever met. And please, and please everyone. Because you spoke about safety earlier, which I love, about boundaries, you know I'm a boundaries person because it's good, it's healthy for everyone. People think they're mean, but they're not. But find the safety within yourself. That is the biggest thing that I've had to personally learn over the past year.
Janel Koloski:And if you weren't taught at a young age how to find the safety within yourself, you know. Then you jump out and then you're trying to reach out. The only way I feel safe is if I go 90% to make sure everyone feels comfortable around me or I can't ever do anything wrong. I can't be human, oh God. But if you do the, for me it's breath, work and just oh, I don't feel safe. Let me breathe and talk to that person. I've been hugging myself a lot, giving the younger version of myself the love and seeing her because she wasn't seen, and that usually resolves whatever. And then you don't feel the need to like, fix everything. So find the way to find the safety in yourself and hold yourself accountable.
Amanda Debraux:Yeah, that's good. I love that, that's good. Yeah, a lot of inner child work has been happening for the past few months. I would say a couple of my clients, a lot of that, like a lot of our rooted actions, our rooted choices, our rooted beliefs come from our childhood, come from our trauma, and we're not listen. Trauma doesn't have to be so dramatic. I think people tend to forget, like, oh my gosh, a car accident, like relax, trauma can literally be something that was said to you that you've held onto and it traumatized you and it disconnected you from your truth. It disconnected you from your joy. It disconnected you from your creativity. It disconnected you from your joy. It disconnected you from your creativity. It doesn't have to be so dramatic. It's a little bit traumatizing for us because it takes us away from again our natural born abundant joy, creativity and capabilities. So I was working with one of my clients, and I know she was rooted in conversations of how her parents were telling her she's kind of crazy for being a creative person. It's like whoa, whoa.
Amanda Debraux:Do you believe that, though? Do you believe that you're crazy for pursuing something that, in your heart, brings you joy? It's passion. It brings collaboration with other people, expression, storytelling. Is that your truth?
Amanda Debraux:Because I want you to ask yourself do you believe that you're actually cuckoo or crazy for thinking this way? No, it's crazy for them because they didn't get an opportunity to do it for themselves. And it's not that it's a bad thing. Our parents grew up in different circumstances. They had different opportunities. They had different mindsets. We get that generational. You know habits that they've passed on that they couldn't let go of.
Amanda Debraux:But it's for you to stand and connect with your inner child, to go maybe you're not crazy Nurture that child, tell her or tell them have the freedom to be and dance in the room and be creative. Be a little crazy if you want to call that, be a little weird if you want to call it that way, but find the joy. Reassociate that crazy with something beautiful. This is a crazy idea, but let's try it Like you know. Like this is a crazy idea, but let's try it Like you know. Like this is a crazy idea, let's try like. Even when we went skiing, I'm like some people think skiing is crazy. It's like oh my gosh, you can hurt yourself, you can break your leg, you know, smash your face in yeah.
Janel Koloski:Amanda took out a sign, but she survived. I sure did. That was amazing over a sign. It was beautiful, genuinely. It was oddly graceful and I'm angry that I didn't film it well I don't know how graceful.
Amanda Debraux:I mean listen, for me it did not feel that way. Literally it was like, oh my gosh, a sign is coming, but I don't know how to stop because I couldn't. And then I was like leg over and it was just like this over the sign and I was like, well, well, all right, yeah, the sign in me just made some love, like it was quite amazing. But in the end here's a great example is, in the end, even though that happened to me, even though that was like a traumatizing, maybe a moment for someone, I still decided to do it anyway. I still decided to do it anyway. I said because if I don't do it now, this is going to transition into every portion of my life. If I said because if I don't do it now, this is going to transition into every portion of my life, if I'm going to let fear control me, and this one aspect is going to control every aspect of my life, so try it. And I've done skiing before. But sometimes, when you don't do something for so long, you develop this mindset, this thought that like, oh, it's going to be crazy. I never do this. It happens to me. I don't know about y'all, but I tend to forget these things and I'm like, oh yeah, I had that experience. And then I'm like, no, I didn't, I guess I did, you know, like it's the craziest thing, crazy, right. But if I had let that define that moment, I would have never had as much fun. You know, we went up and down the slopes, we had fun, we were doing little tricks and like learning. I'm like let's do it again, y'all, I'm ready. But I didn't let that moment define the step forward in conquering something that I had never had, even though I did. And that's also our brain trying to protect us from getting hurt Because I had done it before. But it had been such a long time that my brain was like, oh, this is scary, we can't do this. And it's like maybe we did it already, don't worry about it, you just got to. You know, grease the wheels, grease the mechanisms, right? So before we go, I want to really, you know, and now I want you to share this too is like what are three things that you wish you knew before you were 35, right, 35, I'm going to say it right. So if I could go back and whisper three things to my younger self, these are the things that I would let her know is that your comfort zone is just a suggestion, not a rule. And there was a time when I didn't believe I would leave New York. I thought if I did, I'd lose my identity, I'd lose my strength, I'd lose my resilience, I lose my strength, I lose my resilience, I lose my family, I lose my comfort zone. It turns out I was just scared of the unknown and once I decided to believe in that and I could believe and could leave, I did.
Amanda Debraux:Secondly is that you don't have to have it all figured out to start, just start. This is a perfect example. We didn't figure out this whole podcast back in the day when we started this Janelle said it earlier. We just like let's have a conversation, let's talk this out. We started going live and then we're like oh, this is something Great. We didn't have it all figured out, it was whoa, the quality was crazy, but we learned and we started.
Amanda Debraux:So that pressure to be ready or to get it perfect is going to keep you stuck. So you don't need to have the perfect plan. You just got to start. Take the first step and then the third is. Growth doesn't mean discarding the past. It means integrating it, what serves you and then releasing the rest. It's that emotional regulation, right. It's recognizing that my past doesn't define me, but it's taught me things. It's taught me how to be resilient. So not every lesson from the past applies to the present. It doesn't have to, but some things were meant to be unlearned. Now, a few things that you wish you knew before 35.
Janel Koloski:Not everybody needs to understand you. You are enough. You know what you want, you know your desires, you know your thought process and why you do things and how you do them. So that's okay. Um, another one. It's tough because Tough because we've been around for a while. Trust that intuition.
Janel Koloski:Now, 10 years after dreaming and hoping I would work full time as a model, sometimes I have to stop myself on gives me chills. 7th Avenue and 42nd Street and look where I worked at Ruby Tuesday and I was living in a basement apartment in Queens with some stranger I met on Craigslist and just getting by as a hostess with a dream and no business being there. I didn't know his soul. And now I pass that four days a week, working full-time as a model, 10 years later. But if I didn't sit with that and just believed in myself, and it was crazy, everything around me was saying give up, you're not meant to do this. I even left New York City and came back a couple times.
Janel Koloski:So good job, you kept going, congratulations and don't ever give up. And everybody that's listening please don't give up. Your intuition knows. And the last thing emotional regulation is your friend, you know, because nobody wants to feel like the crazy anxious girl. It stinks, but you know, have grace with yourself. We all have our things, but it is our responsibility to learn how to regulate. And that is true, and it stinks, and you're going to maybe feel a little shame around these things that you have, but you don't want to rob yourself of the joy of life because you can't bring yourself back to the moment. So emotional regulation is your friend.
Amanda Debraux:That's beautiful. That just made me think I was and I'll say this one of my clients. She felt guilty for always being emotional, always crying, and I was like baby. It was a time when I couldn't do it because I was afraid and I would do it quietly and I thought that that was a weakness for me.
Amanda Debraux:So, as actors, as creatives and as storytellers, that is the biggest gift that we have. We have this emotion that we can tap into, and what a gift that is. So many people hide, they don't know how to articulate their emotions. And I love that you said that like emotional regulation, because what a gift it is to be able to do that. What a gift it is to be able to acknowledge that I'm feeling sad or angry and working through that, nurturing that and not letting it define us or restrict us. So I told my client cry away. It is also your body allowing itself to regulate by crying. It's releasing. You hold it in and you get angry and then you got tension, you got ailments in your body, unhealthy, so cry it out. Baby, take a moment, go cry in the bathroom, cry. I cry all the time. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm angry. I just am like you know what? That is something I love about myself, because I know what it's doing for me. I recognize the benefit from it, and that's something I wish I would have taught myself when I was younger too is that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's okay to express yourself and not everyone else understand it, like you said. I'll close it out with this, is that?
Amanda Debraux:And a little bonus for you is you know, before you wrap up, I want to introduce a really powerful emotional clearing for you, right? An emotional release technique, an ERT, which is find a quiet place, sit in the stillness and take a breath. As Nell said, breathing is really beautiful for you. We always, you know for us. We always hold in our breath when we're angry and we're like and then what happens? Our shoulders get tight, our stomach gets all queasy and we're like ugh, right.
Amanda Debraux:So when you take that breath, whatever that emotion is breathing into it, you can name the emotion. It'll come up instantly, you'll know what it is because you're breathing and allow it to be surfaced and then say it out loud. So you're going to find a quiet place. You're going to name the emotion, say it out loud. You're going to locate where it is in your body, your stomach, your chest, even your head you know your fingertips, the tensions in your whatever it is. You're going to acknowledge and locate it and then you're going to release it physically. You're going to either tap it, massage it, you know, dance it off, let that energy off the fingers, the feet, you know, or maybe you laid lay down whatever it is, but you're going to release it, even if it's a physical thing that you have to do. You're like get off of me, it's okay. You're like, get off of me, I don't want you, that's okay. It's okay, whatever you need to do, and then you're going to fill that space with an intention, an affirmation.
Amanda Debraux:That's the complete opposite. I release what no longer serves me and I step into this year with clarity, strength, purpose, joy, happiness, love, abundance, success, whatever it is that you are thriving to achieve or seeking to achieve. You're going to replace that with what you're seeking. Then you're going to journal about your experience, because what happens is you're replacing that. So your body now knows the opposite.
Amanda Debraux:So, whatever that emotion was, that block was no longer has the ability to tap into that space? Easily it can, but it's not going to be as easy because you replace it. Now you say I'm joyful, whatever. And it's like, well, the anger is now pushing up the joy. Well, I can't get through. And then maybe it does get through and it's okay. But then you know that joy is still there. So you bring it back and you go get the heck out of here. It's a simple, yet powerful exercise that helps you clear emotional blocks and step into your higher self.
Amanda Debraux:So I just wanna, janelle, happy birthday, happy birthday to everybody. Celebrate your birthday. Celebrate yourself. You've done it, even if you think you haven't. You've done it. Baby, you're starting new. We're here. New isn't perfect. It's about showing up for yourself again and again and again, and you have 365 days ahead of you. How will you use them?
Amanda Debraux:So if this episode resonates with you, please share your insight with us. Share it on social media. Tag us. You know, let us know what your thoughts are about this episode, how it resonated with you. Maybe invoke some something within you that you didn't like. That's good, that's good. Maybe that's good.
Amanda Debraux:I know it feels weird, but that's good Cause that means that you now know it exists. Therefore, you can conquer it, tell it to shut up or replace it with something else, and if you're interested in we have a really free offer. We have a beautiful, beautiful two opportunities. So I am an empowerment and transformational coach and I work with that emotional clearing, evolving, transforming through these challenges, as well as career stuff. But these are the things that I really nurture within you and allow you to step beyond them, and so I offer a energy clearing manifestation guide where it helps you like one of those tools. It helps you clear these moments when you are coming across something that's challenging. You have this tool that you can automatically go to and use every day, every every day, and so I offer that. And then Janelle, the amazing career mindset coach, go ahead, girl, let them know.
Janel Koloski:Yeah, I'm a career mindset coach for creatives. You know we like that free flow, but sometimes we got to get a little bit organized. So I help people organize their schedules. They're not only staying on their business standing on the business because he's a CEO boss of your creative career but also making sure you leave time for self care. And I have business email templates because a lot of times with my clients they get that reel up or like they submit the audition and all of these things, but they're afraid to email people it could be their agent or casting directors or even their peers. And so I got it all in a little PDF doc for you Just plug and play, you just make it your own. And so I'm so happy that a little PDF doc for you Just plug and play, you just make it your own. And so I'm so happy that we can provide these tools for y'all.
Amanda Debraux:Yes, and that's the point, right. So these two things come hand in hand. When you are afraid of sending that email, reaching out, tap into that energy, clearing that manifestation practice, tap into that, clear it out. And then I just did this with my client, one of my clients. I was like why are you afraid to send your manager and request a submission report, submission list, what's going on? Let's just talk about it. What are you afraid of? You've been with them for a year, let's talk about it. And we talked it through.
Amanda Debraux:She drafted the email. She sat on it for a week, though, and that's okay, cause it's scary, it's scary. And then I was like all right, today's enough, today's the day. We worked through some other stuff, and I was like hey, what about that email? She was like, oh, I was like you already drafted it, right, send it to me. I looked it over, I said this is great, because that was a little bit of extra safety, right. So that was a little safe. Like you, check it out, let me know. She said to me guess what she sent Send it to her manager the next day. Actually, her assistant's manager, tools, janelle, knows this. This is why Career mindset, like she's really good at this.
Amanda Debraux:She sent it to the assistant of her manager and agent, not expecting a response. Within an hour she got a response, baby, let me tell you. She was like every other email I've sent them they haven't responded. They were just like not. She was like every other email I've sent them they haven't responded. They were just like not.
Amanda Debraux:And I said all right, don't worry, we're going to work through that. She was like. It surprised me. They responded. I said there you go. It's all about the approach, baby, approach and attention and letting go. You are the CEO of your brand and that's what we teach here, baby, empower, empowerment. I empowered her and then she had the email Hand in hand, baby, hand in hand, just saying. But anyway, thank you so much for joining us for this episode because, again, this is a full journey for us as well the year, and we are powerful beyond what we think we are, we really are, and so I want you to really take that in and know that and trust that and use that in every aspect of your life and knowing that it's possible. So, thank you so much, share your thoughts and we'll see you next time. Bye, and that's a wrap on this episode of Mindset Artistry Podcast. Don't forget to like share and subscribe.
Amanda Debraux:Catch us every Thursday for a new episode to help you master the art of your mindset. Got it? Yes, okay, cool.