Mindset Artistry
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Mindset Artistry
Living Authentically: The Power of Speaking Your Truth with Amanda DeBraux
Join this heartfelt episode of the Mindset Artistry Podcast, where Amanda DeBraux and Janelle Koloski dive deep into the transformative journey of speaking your truth and living authentically. Amanda shares her poignant childhood experiences of bullying and insecurity, revealing how these challenges shaped her path to becoming an actor and inner voice life coach. We unravel the power of embracing your true self and cultivating genuine connections through shared passions.
Discover the daily practices of self-awareness and self-acceptance that can help you stand up for yourself despite societal pressures. From overcoming fears of judgment to articulating personal values and goals, we discuss the impact of self-talk and body language on others' perceptions. To exploring the empowerment process of asserting your adulthood and authenticity, even if it means stepping away from unsupportive relationships. Learn how fostering a supportive community that offers constructive feedback can lead to both personal and professional success.
Tune in for an inspiring conversation on the significance of living authentically and creating a network that uplifts your journey.
This is the Mindset Artistry Podcast. I'm Amanda DeBraux, an actor or actress per your reference, and an inner voice life coach, and I'm Janel.
Janel Koloski:Koloski, an actor and career and mindset coach. We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset to teach you the artistry.
Amanda DeBraux:Hey everyone, welcome back to Mindset Artistry Podcast with your hosts, me and this lovely lady across the world. And today we're going to talk about speaking your truth and how to authentically live in your truth when you are speaking about your goals, your aspirations, and then speaking to your heart and being able to express that without judgment, without shame and without hesitation. And so we'll talk about three topics of the power of authenticity overcoming fear and judgment and then creating connections through shared passions. That is your community. So, speaking your truth and this is the reason why this is coming up is because I think, throughout my life, I was very hesitant to speak my truth. I always thought that when I did speak my truth, whether it was too vulnerable, it was too soft, it was too weak, it wasn't accepted, it wasn't nurtured, and whenever I did speak my truth, I would literally act like it would activate my body and I would start crying. And it wasn't a sense of weakness, it was just a sense of how my body expressed itself. And so I would have the shakes, my voice would quiver, because there was a sense of insecurity about, well, how is this going to be received. And it wasn't nurtured within my home in the way that I do now to myself, and not that I'm blaming my parents, but how do you navigate learning how to speak your truth in a home that they don't know how to speak it either? And when? I remember when I was younger, I was being bullied in middle school because who loves middle school? Right? And I was being bullied in middle school and it wasn't physically, it was verbally, and I remember feeling very insecure about myself because I was this very skinny girl. I was already like 5'5" at the age of like 12. I was probably almost 5'7" at that point, but I think I was 5'5" and just skinny and I didn't have all the fancy things that all the other girls did and kids in school.
Amanda DeBraux:I was only allotted three pair of footwear for the year. I was only allotted three pair of footwear for the year and I had to make sure I maintained them. It was a pair of white ups, a pair of boots and then a pair of like another pair of sneakers, and most of the time it was like Skechers, sds. It wasn't cool back then. It is now Kudos to y'all because it wasn't cool then, right? Or what was it called? The Keds that were the tennis shoes at the time oh gosh, whatever it was, but those were the sneakers that my parents could afford and I always felt insecure about it and my parents did well, they did great by me.
Amanda DeBraux:But going up against or coming across people in classes who had Jordans and the up and coming new Nikes and just like flies and boots and sneakers, I was very insecure. And then I was skinny and I didn't speak Spanish. My hair wasn't like this flowy long hair like all the Spanish girls to the butt. I didn't have that. My hair smelled like burnt hair from the hair salon on Sunday because they were going in with the Dominicans. They were going in with my hair and so I was just always insecure and I was called like Mozilla Gorilla or Madilla Gorilla, something like that.
Amanda DeBraux:And I remember going home and I kind of like when they joked about it in the classroom and we're all together and they're like, oh, look at you, madilla Gorilla, madilla Gorilla. And I'm like, ah, and in my heart I was in so much pain. I was like this is so embarrassing, I'm being called a gorilla and by my peers who are also ethnic and have a cultural background, and that was just so hurtful. And so I remember going home and crying in my room. I didn't even say hi to my mom, I just came in and I sat in my room and she's like what's going on? And I was like nothing, nothing and I just cried and she was like what I said? They called me a gorilla. So she was like what? You're not ugly, you're beautiful. She's like don't ever let them call you that.
Amanda DeBraux:But I was afraid of speaking that to my mom because then that made it feel like it was also true.
Amanda DeBraux:So there's the flip side of me not speaking my truth in that room to go don't call me that, that's not who I am. And then being afraid to speak about what someone said about me to someone that I love, because I was afraid of them affirming it and so, in that sense, that authenticity was wavered down, it was weighed down, it wasn't even authentic, it was again insecure. So, before I dive into the power of authenticity and all the other topics now, what is your thoughts on speaking your truth? Because I know that has been a big topic for us in our work, in our lives, lives? How do you navigate now that you've worked with clients, that you've done the work in becoming a life coach, becoming a successful actress and model? How do you navigate speaking your truth in rooms that feel judgmental or that feel like you are coming across people who are uberly successful, whatever that means, right On a level that you're not? How do you navigate your truth and live in that authenticity?
Janel Koloski:it's constantly checking in with myself. I was never very good at it, obviously when I was younger because it wasn't something I was taught. But then as I got older, just kind of knowing who I am and being okay with that and where I'm at, and that requires a lot of rest for me and a daily practice. If I'm not meditating and reminding myself of who I am, and it's okay who I am and what I'm doing or where I'm at, it's so easy for me to get swept up and what other people are accomplishing or how people are talking to me and I don't know.
Janel Koloski:I mean, I was never afraid to speak up if someone was doing something rude or cruel or mean, especially to my brother. So I didn't have a fear in that way and sometimes I would even stick up for myself. But the truth is the truth and you feel how you feel. But it doesn't matter how confident you feel in that. Sometimes it's still very painful, and more painful because people don't like it when people walk in their truth if they're not walking in their own, and they'll. Let you know that. We had a whole conversation at lunch today about it, which I won't get into right now, but it was pretty wild to hear how some people have been treated in the fashion industry.
Amanda DeBraux:I mean and honestly, in any industry, people with power and people who feel like they need to control the environment will do their due. Aren't what you claim to be. You are able to articulate the truth of yourself, even through their BS right or even their opinions of you, and so I always say like someone's opinion of you isn't your reality. So speaking to your truth and authenticity is you have to spend the time to understand and dive into what you want, what you value, what your passions are, and really make a decisive opinion and belief about who you are and what you want. And that means, back in the day, had I stood up for myself and said, no, I am not Mozilla Gorilla. I am beautiful, I am tall, I have beautiful ethnic curly hair. That is who I am. I am a mixed Latin girl who has black in her. And if I was able to stand up at that moment and say, yeah, it's funny to you but it's not to me, and I'm going to take it personally and it may seem like a joke, but it's not because you're intentionally trying to make fun of me and make me feel bad about myself. And if I had known that, obviously I was like 11, 12 years old, and if you're not tall, that's okay, but these are the things where you have to be able to know who you are. So you have to ask yourself who am I, what do I want, what are my desires as far as career, family, friends and then dive into those conversations about how you talk about yourself when people are around and how do people reciprocate how you talk about yourself to you. So it's if I'm telling Janelle, oh my gosh, you know, I don't feel worthy of being an actor, and I close myself off and I put my body language like this and she supports that, going oh, okay, well, if you feel that way, then I guess that's how you feel, sure, and dismisses it, then that automatically confirms what I'm saying. And so this is that moment of also being present with that authenticity and understanding that your words matter, how you speak about yourself and we talked about this before, but this is again the power of authenticity. You have to be able to dive into these questions who am I, what do I want, what do I like, what do I value, what do I need to learn, what do I need to know? And don't be afraid of not knowing something, because I used to be afraid of speaking up in rooms where and this speaks to now going into overcoming fears and judgment being in a classroom or being in my corporate job and feeling stupid for not getting something so easily because everybody else got it. And I'm just like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, sure.
Amanda DeBraux:And I'm sitting there going what the heck did they just say, and I'm like biting my nails and really becoming small in my body because I'm telling myself, oh, amanda, you're stupid because you're not getting it. Why is everyone else getting it and you're not? And so I automatically take that conversation about myself in my thoughts and I develop an overcoming, an overwhelming sense of fear of now I feel uncomfortable speaking up, going, no, I don't get that, can you explain it again? Or I am afraid of doing that because I know I'm going to be judged. We're like well, we went over that once, you shouldn't have gotten it. And it's like ugh. So it's that coming across, fear of myself, of going I'm not enough, I'm not smart enough. And then it's that fear of articulating going I don't understand and then being judged for that and being judged for not understanding it. So it's that two part of oh, if I tell them I don't, I'm going to be judged for not comprehending it, and then I'm also going to be judged on the fact that I'm speaking to it, if that makes sense. And so that was a very heavy thought, not only in school, but also in the workplace, and even now as an actress. I have learned that about myself, and I pause Whenever you're in those states of fear or you think that other people are going to judge you first of all.
Amanda DeBraux:So fucking what, we're going to drop that here right. As my mom says, fuck that shit. Who gives a fuck? Let them judge you because they're going to have an opinion about you, whether you're doing good or whether you're doing bad. So fuck it. Let them have opinion about you because at the end of the day, you go home to who you are, not them. Let them deal with their own insecurities that they want to put on you and say, no, but you know, that's great, you're an actress, that's such a cute hobby. What Hobby? Oh, so you don't feel like my artistic crafts and skills can be a career, because you didn't pursue your career, or you just have that insecurity or fear of pursuing it because that was never nurtured within you or you're afraid of failure. That's not my problem and it doesn't have to be.
Amanda DeBraux:And so this is when you take that moment, like I said, you take a moment before or a pause, when you feel that fear coming up in your gut, in the back of your neck, your throat Because for me it was big in my throat, quivering, getting like I feel like I have a ball there. Do you remember Jawbreaker? You ever saw Jawbreaker and the jawbreaker was stuck in her throat. That's how I felt. I would feel like I had a big old jawbreaker there and I'm like, um, yeah, and so it was difficulty speaking up. So I just pause and I just get clear on what I'm trying to say, get a clear on what I'm trying to say, and I also acknowledge the fear, honor it going. Thank you so much for showing up for me. Acknowledge the fear, honor it going. Thank you so much for showing up for me. It's okay. It's not true, and even if it is, we're going to surpass it. Thank you for making me aware of this moment. I will work on this.
Amanda DeBraux:So if I'm not a good writer or if I'm not a good audition taker like being doing self tapes. Then I have that moment to go okay, fine, I may not be that good, but how can I make it work for me and grow and make it better? Who do I need to connect with? So, before we dive into the next topic of creating that community, who can nurture your authenticity and also uplift you? Now, what do you have to say about?
Amanda DeBraux:I talked about the power of authenticity and speaking your truth and understanding your values and being able to articulate that once you have an understanding and clarity, and then understanding that fear and judgment has nothing to do with you. And this is sometimes a figment of our imagination because we make it up, because we're stuck in these pre-existing experiences of when I was a child if I speak up my truth, I'm going to be make fun of again. Or if I speak up in that corporate room or on set, I am going to be judged because I feel like because I'm not doing my job. What are your thoughts on those topics authenticity, fear and judgment?
Janel Koloski:Ultimately, for me it comes down to rejection and just using that as redirection. That's all you have. I was even afraid to ask my parents to drive a few hours to meet me halfway. You know, because my experience has been for so many years, I have to go to them, I have to go to everybody. I feel like I have to go to my friends.
Janel Koloski:I don't feel like people do go out of their way for me the way I go out of my way for them, and part of that is my fault because of boundaries I have or haven't set. But you know, other times you would just hope people would notice what you do and think of you too. But I'm very happy to say that. You know, I told my mom I'm like, look, I don't have it in me, I'm tired, dude, I'm tired, you know, and that's extremely vulnerable, because she could have been like too bad and that sounds harsh, but I honestly didn't know what she would say. And my mom's a lovely person, but we all have our things. So, and they are going to meet up with me, but I think it just encourage everybody to keep putting yourself out there and just no, rejection isn't the end, it's just telling you to be around, which is going to jump right into community here, and I only have a few more minutes just so you know.
Amanda DeBraux:Yes, I got it. I'll wrap it up and thank you for speaking about you. Know, one of the hardest things that we have to do as children of people is speaking to our parents like adults, letting them see us as adults, because it's hard for them to see us adults and go, hey, see us as adults, because it's hard for them to see us adults and go, hey, listen, I have my own life, mom, dad, I can make my own opinions and I refuse to be judged by you because I am living my authenticity. And that was one of the hardest things that I had to do with my parents to speak my truth and as I dived into what that was and really speak to who I am and stand grounded and confident. It made it easier because I know that they love me, but it doesn't have to define me again. Their opinion of me doesn't have to define me and they have a vision of what I was their little girl who was born, their baby, and it's like I'm an adult now. I know you will always be there for me, but I have to stick by my choices. I have to stick by what I want. You can give me your opinion, your thoughts about it. Thank you, thank you for caring. Thank you so much. I will take it into consideration. Doesn't mean I'm not listening to you. Doesn't mean I don't care. I'm taking into consideration. But at the end of the day, I'm going to follow my heart and do what I want.
Amanda DeBraux:And now, speaking to the community is surround yourself with people who are going to also speak their truth to you, because then they can nurture you speaking your truth to them and also in other environments. So, janelle and I, we have a very, you know, a long relationship, and I think what has helped us throughout this time is that we are able to speak our truth to each other without judgment, and that can take some time. It's not something that happens, you know, instantly, and sometimes it does. You have to be able to navigate those situations and be able to pay attention and be aware of, like, if I speak my truth and when I do, do they judge me, do they look at me a certain way, do they have a sense of resentment in there, and then, knowing all right, then I don't speak my truth to that person. I move on to the person that I know that if I show up vulnerable, crying, angry, sad, insecure that they go.
Amanda DeBraux:Okay, lay it out, let me hear it Great. What do you need? What do you want? It's okay and nurturing that and so it's something to keep in mind of. Find your tribe. Find your tribe. And the only way to find your tribe is you have to be honest about what you want. You have to be honest about how and where you want to be surrounded within your career and your dynamic and your life. And sometimes that means moving away from your parents. Sometimes that means stepping away from your best friend or your closest friend or childhood friend because they're a bad influence or they're not able to level up with you, and that's okay. They served their story, they served their purpose within that timeframe and maybe by you doing that, you help them and so it's just finding again in order to find that community is being able to speak it. Get clear on what that community feels like nurturing, safe, uplifting and going.
Amanda DeBraux:Amanda, okay, you're not so good as a I don't know audition taker. Every time you could do an audition, I hear hesitation and things like that. This may be something you should work on. You say I'm a lot or like, maybe take note of that. I'm not judging you, but it's something to keep in mind so that, moving forward, you make that mental note and you can shift it. These are just the thoughts and this is a feedback that's encouraging to uplift you, because we want to see each other grow, elevate and evolve and be successful, because their success is my success, my success is their success, and we're always going to look behind us and reach up and reach behind us and bring somebody forward with us as well. And so you know, with myself and Janelle, we have a network of people community fashion designers, actors, models, casting directors a slew of creative people Reach out to us, coach with us. I work with empowerment. That is my thing, because that's my jam honey, because I needed that as a kid, and so now I know how to nurture that within other people.
Amanda DeBraux:And Janelle is a powerhouse when it comes to career and mindset. She's kicking ass. She's such a successful model. Honestly, I can't do what she does, because I don't want to do what she does, to be very honest, but she kicks ass. So if that's the career, not only does that transition into acting, but that transitions to anything else that you want to do.
Amanda DeBraux:And with that combination, boy oh boy, are you unstoppable, Just saying so. All that to say is keep in mind about the power of authenticity, keep in mind that that fear is only confirmed if you let it, and that judgment who gives a shit about what other people think, because they're not going to die with you in the freaking coffin. You have to live a life of your legacy and then creating the connection with people who are going to surround you and not only support you and be a yes woman or a yes man, but say you need to work on that, and say it in a helpful way, in a supportive way, not in a judgmental and resentful and jealous way. Now, and I'll pass it on to you to close it out, Well, I think you really nailed it.
Janel Koloski:I think it was a great episode. I hope you all take it in. Yes, I have to go to rehearsal, but yeah, it's just for a class that I do every week, but it's really wonderful and it's changing the game. Work on your craft, people, business craft and self-care. But anyway, um, I don't really have anything else to add, but we love you and we're also your community, as Amanda was saying, and, um, we hope to see you next time.
Amanda DeBraux:See you next time. And that's a wrap on this episode of mindsetset Artistry Podcast. Don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Catch us every Thursday for a new episode to help you master the art of your mind.