The Pursuit of Profound Happiness and Success Through Self-Reflection, Honesty and Balance

Have you ever caught a glimpse of your reflection, not in the mirror, but in your life's choices and paths? Join us as we peel back the layers of self-awareness that can redefine your success, transforming it from a material pursuit to one of profound happiness and self-fulfillment.

Get into a candid conversation about embracing every version of yourself—from the child within to the person you are today—to craft a life with intention and authenticity. It's about time we examined the habits molded by our pasts, challenged the internal battles we often face, and took back the reins of control over the choices that shape our lives.

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Receive a FREE CONSULTATION with Amanda Debraux or Janel Koloski by clicking either of the links below.

Receive a FREE CONSULTATION with Amanda Debraux or Janel Koloski by clicking either of the links below.

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Amanda Debraux
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Transcript

Amanda DeBraux : 0:03

This is the Mindset Artistry Podcast. I'm Amanda DeBraux, an actor or actress per your reference, and an inner voice life coach, and I'm Janel Koloski, an actor and career and mindset coach.

Janel Koloski: 0:13

We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset, to teach you the artistry of what we learned, to keep your mind in check Over the course of our lives.

Amanda DeBraux : 0:20

we've taken on the journey of healing, living and being authentically ourselves, as we successfully built our individual careers in the entertainment industry.

Janel Koloski: 0:28

This podcast is designed for you so you can discover your goals and courageously reach them at your highest potential, while being a hundred and thousand percent yourself.

Amanda DeBraux : 0:37

What you'll get from us is real, dirty and okay, a little more like a lot of quirky, along with special elite guests that nurture empathy and create a safe space without judgment. So get ready to build a mindset that is unapologetically you and excel beyond the stars. Welcome to the Mindset Artistry Podcast. That's good. I wanted to talk about understanding the battle between the self and success, and success doesn't necessarily have to be a career. I'm talking about success and overall throughout your life, meaning your happiness, your abundance, your laughter, your self-care, your health, all these things. They encompass success. Success doesn't always have to be aligned with materialistic things such as money and having a house. Of course we all want that. We all want the house, we all want the great partner, we all want happiness, we want to be traveling the world, we want to have money in the bank. We want to have money to blow, have a career that we wake up to and bring joy into our life every single day. Of course we all want that.

Amanda DeBraux : 1:50

Success doesn't necessarily have to be that one particular thing. It has to encompass all of you, just like the self, self, the self that you are, the internal version, the internal you that you are your core, your core belief, your core values, your core love. That is the self. Core love, that is the self, and sometimes the self that we are not tapped into, or the self that is battling fear, pain, suffering, our past circumstances and challenges that we're going through right now is in competition with our success, our future self, and so it becomes a battle of attention. It becomes a battle of focus, it becomes a battle of like who's right? I'm right, you're wrong, get out of here. No, don't do this Right. And so you have all these conflicting emotions happening and we all, human, I have versions of myself, my child's version of myself fighting for attention. I have my teenage self, I have my twenties yourself and I have myself now.

Amanda DeBraux : 2:45

These are all versions of ourselves competing with the success or the version that we want to be, because they want to be attended to, they want the attention, they want to be loved, they want to be appreciated, they want to be seen, they want to be heard, and a lot of the times when we were younger, we didn't necessarily get the things that we wanted or were suffering with something, and so those are the habits that we've developed as adults, that we either over-exaggerate in our lives, or we under-exaggerate, so we accept certain behavior from people or we don't, because we're so closed off and we're like we're never going to experience that again.

Amanda DeBraux : 3:18

So you get the extreme version. You're like I'm cut off from the world, I'm going to be alone. Those extremes, and we have that and it's again absolutely normal to feel all these things. And so, before I dive into just the awareness of that and how to nurture and be aware of that throughout your life in different stages, now let me jump it to you on. What does it mean for you to understand, or at least be aware of the self and the success that you want? What comes to mind?

Janel Koloski: 3:53

I would just say that if you don't know yourself, you won't be successful. So a lot of people do go for this idea of success first, and then they ask themselves why do I keep hitting blocks? It's because you don't know who you are. You can have some success, but it won't be lasting and it will be frustrating.

Amanda DeBraux : 4:11

Yeah, and this is what is great. So this kind of brings me into what does success look like for you? Right? Because the self that we think that we are, it can be a combination of us compromising our being, our beliefs, based on what other people have taught us to do, what they told us we should be doing, what we shouldn't be doing, or they didn't provide space for us to be vulnerable, so we always had to be strong. These are habits and behavior that we've adapted and developed and honed, unbeknownst to you. You've honed all these behaviors within you to survive, and there's a difference between surviving and living, and I don't want anyone to live in the survival mode, and I get it. There's a lot of crap out and happening in the world, absolutely, but the only thing that you can control is yourself, and so what I would say is that all right. So you have the self. You have to ask yourself these questions of like what do you want? What do I want as Amanda? What do I want? What do I desire? How do I talk to myself? What am I doing for myself? What am I not doing for myself?

Amanda DeBraux : 5:30

And then you have to dive deep into a dialogue that you're interacting with yourself every single day, what that looks like, what that feels like when you wake up in the morning. And we again, we all have days. We wake up. They say, quote unquote the wrong side of the bed, right, we wake up on the wrong side of the bed and we wake up already cranky, we wake up sad or angry, we're like, ah, you know, and that can also get back to are you taking care of yourself the night before? What are you doing for yourself the night before so that you can wake up a bit more energized, a bit more connected? And so what's happening is you have this version of yourself that is in this state of comfort, in this state of adapting and living the system that you've already created. Here's the thing the life that you are living right now. You created the system that you're living. You created all the circumstances based on what your choices, you've made, things you've done to support the life that you're living right now. And I know that sounds you're absolutely okay, there's nothing wrong with you. You are still here, you still have time and you still have options. So I don't want you to feel bad for like, oh my gosh, I created this horrible madness in my life. No, there are some lessons that you need to learn, maybe the things that you need to be aware of about yourself.

Amanda DeBraux : 6:43

And so, with that, you have this self that has got accustomed to living a certain way, reacting to certain situations. Whether it's coming from fear, whether it's coming from, you know, hatred or shame, guilt, anxiety, depression any of these things that they kind of throw out all the time at us is actually not even true. It's just we're not connecting, we're not releasing emotions, so we end up suppressing them, and so you have these versions. And then you have this vision of yourself, of where you want life to be. You have that successful life. You're like I know I want that car, I want to be traveling the world, I want to have that relationship, I want to have my career. I wake up to every single day that's successful. I just I want to be happy. And so now that version that you see over here you are now telling the version that you are now is that like you're not enough, you can't, because you're telling it that it can get to that successful self. So they're competing, they're competing.

Amanda DeBraux : 7:42

Instead, what you could be doing is honoring and caring and being aware of the version that you are now and accepting. Okay, I am where I am because I made these decisions based on the circumstances. I wasn't aware of certain things about myself. I wasn't standing up for myself, I wasn't speaking up for what I wanted in life. I wasn't standing my ground. I wasn't keeping the healthy boundaries between myself and others. I over-compromised or I over-indulged in the extreme.

Amanda DeBraux : 8:12

It's like doing all the things to the extreme level where I'm just going to enjoy myself and live my best life and I'm going to be spending all the money and doing all these things, but then you're not balancing out the other things in your life, and so you're living in these extreme moments and so you have to honor all of that about yourself and accept and be aware of that and go okay, I know I've done this and I'm okay with that, except that's called like shadow work, right, or mirror work or diving into.

Amanda DeBraux : 8:39

There's so many different versions of saying that and so what you have to do is sit down with yourself every single day and ask yourself what do you want? Where is this coming from? Is this my voice? And then accepting all of that, and then, as you accept that and honor them, you're going to also start honoring and accepting the future version of yourself as well and going I can be that it's possible. And then what you have to do is find ways to integrate both versions of yourself, because you are not without one and you are not without the other. So now I want to pass it back to you from what I was talking about. I know you didn't catch a lot of it, but tell me what's coming up for you as far as the self and the successful self, in that battle, that internal battle, that happens.

Janel Koloski: 9:28

No girl, I've been here. It's just as soon as we self and the successful self in that battle, that internal battle, that happens. No girl, I've been here. It's just as soon as we started this live. For everybody who's watching, cause you're going to see it and I'm recording it's.

Janel Koloski: 9:38

My light stand broke so I like to address things in the moment where actors, if you're on stage and there's a cough, you address it. So back to your question for everybody it's. I can't even see who's watching, but I hope you guys are having a good Sunday and I love this topic. Versus career and self, the only thing I can really think of it's just it just becomes more aligned when you give yourself the space to have that there's just things that you're good at naturally, that you actually enjoy, and then eventually that aligns with the naturally that you actually enjoy and then eventually that aligns with the career that you'll have. Because I think I've just noticed for some people it seems to really click for them, but it's because they're just really going with their strengths, not this imposter syndrome. They're not feeling like they don't deserve it or they're not good enough, it's just they're like this is what I like and this is who I am and the work aligns. And so I think I've just personally had to find that if I'm not really focusing on who I truly am, the work isn't going to come.

Janel Koloski: 10:38

And I talk about that a lot because I'm a career coach. I don't know who was here in the beginning. We were talking about the type of coaching that we do. Who was here in the beginning? We were talking about the type of coaching that we do, but I started modeling and then I thought the only type of modeling I could do was editorial or runway. And then you know, if I stuck with that, I wouldn't have a career because it wasn't aligned with who I truly am. So a lot of people quit too early, I think, because they have this dream and they want it to come together, but then they're not looking at themselves and being themselves, and that will make it easier.

Amanda DeBraux : 11:13

Appreciate that. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for that alignment. Now, is anything resonating with anyone? Can I get a heart? Can I get a thumbs down? If that doesn't make sense, that's absolutely okay. We'll take all the feedback.

Amanda DeBraux : 11:22

We are here for you and I want to remind you that the mindset, artistry community is for you. We want to make you feel seen and heard and make you understand and that you create your life and that anything that you desire is possible. And so, with the self, you have this version of yourself. So you're now having this battle of attention. You know you have the. They're kind of throwing tantrums like no, I don't want to give up certain behavior to have that success, that alignment right, because you are right now on this road over here, this kind of winding. But in order to get to this road, you have to deviate a little bit, which means you have to get off this road to get to the other. You got to make a turn, you got to do a little roundabout or something, maybe a U-turn, and go back a little bit and then make that left or that right that you didn't do the first time or the second time or whatever it was, and so, in that all of that is that, again, acceptance. Well, awareness first, then acceptance. And you have to sit down, ask yourself these questions what is your truth? Who are you? I know somebody's, oh, tell me about yourself. Who can you tell yourself about you? If you sit down in the mirror or you opened up a journal, or you picked up a camera and you sat it right there, could you sit there and talk about you, and not in a negative way, not in a judgmental way, but in a way that is aware, that is factual, that is also loving, and loving in an unconditional way, accepting all your choices, all your faults, the mishaps, everything Right. So you have to be able to accept all those things and acknowledge the things that you also need to heal, because we have so many things that stay with us that we don't even know are triggers, that are activations within us, and certain people or certain circumstances can activate that and we won't even know why. And so it's really, really important to dive into the self. Dive into the self, because the successful self that you want to be cannot be the self, cannot happen without you diving into the self that you are now, because they have to become one without the other. And then also again, like I said, you have to let go there.

Amanda DeBraux : 13:42

And, as I was saying and I went on a little bit of a tangent here but you know, there are habits that you have gotten accustomed to, like I don't know, like what your morning routine is Like. For an example, there was a while for me that I was really on it. I mean on it every single day, with my self-care. I was getting up, I would do my meditation, yoga, I would do stretching, I would do some journaling, I would just listen and sit in silence, I would read a book, I would drink my tea, I wouldn't go to coffee, all the things stretch, I just literally took a nice shower.

Amanda DeBraux : 14:11

The things that I know that I need to take care of my self-care, whatever that is, and that could just be like I'm taking a walk with my dogs, whatever that may be for you. And no judgment, you do what you need to do. You can be screaming in a pillow. I'm okay with that too. I encourage that as well.

Amanda DeBraux : 14:24

Screaming in a pillow, don't scream at anybody else, including yourself. And I wasn't doing that for a while and I didn't realize how it was affecting me and affecting my body. And so when I got back into it recently and I was like I just need to do this, because here's the thing, the thing that's telling you not to do is just as strong as telling you to do it. So when you are in a space of, oh, I don't want to do it, what is that thing telling you you don't want to do it? What is the thing that's telling you I don't want to do it? And what is the thing that's telling you you do? Find out and listen to that. Where is it coming from? Is it coming from growth? Is it coming from a need? Whatever that is? These are nuances that you have to pay attention to, because you have to dive into what you need at all times. And so when I did that, I literally was stretching and I started crying because I was like I miss her and I was like I miss me. I miss that time with just me, and I was like I miss her.

Amanda DeBraux : 15:22

Screaming in a pillow has gotten me through bedtime with my toddlers lately. The power struggle is real. I understand Toddlers can be exhausting. Our friend Tokyo she has two children, so we can totally understand, and then their toddler is also competing with our toddler within it. You know, it's true, we're all kind of having these moments, so scream in a pillow, take a moment, go to the bathroom. You know, I understand a hundred and thousand percent. Children are require a lot. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for this, of course. Of course, we all need it.

Amanda DeBraux : 15:54

Like honestly, like I said, I was sitting there and crying and bawling, going like I think I lost a bit of myself. I was so focused on work and the strike if you're an actor dealing with that and the business and family and all the things that I actually disconnected with myself. And so myself was competing with my success because I wasn't going to get as far as I wanted until I tapped into what I needed, what I needed to align, to ground myself, what intentions I was setting every single day. So I was competing with myself. They were literally bumping heads like a ram. I am an Aries, so we bumping heads constantly and I wasn't tapping into going all right, how can myself, the version that I'm like, the self-care, serve my future self? Or how can my future self serve the self that I need right now? And so these are just questions that you need to be asking yourself as well.

Amanda DeBraux : 16:50

It's like you know just again, you have to be able to have this dialogue with yourself. You're not crazy, you're not insane to have these conversations with yourself? I do it all the freaking time. Crazy, You're not insane to have these conversations with yourself. I do it all the freaking time. I do it all the time, because how can you not have these conversations and just let your thoughts fly by without recognition?

Amanda DeBraux : 17:09

Our subconscious is constantly working. We're constantly taking things in on a daily basis, whether we realize it or not. What we're consuming on the computer, a book, colors, plants, everything, that dog that's barking down the block I can hear it. My brain captured that moment. It captured that moment in a lock and bolted it somewhere in the midst of all of the memories. And so again, what is it that, that version of you that's in the past that needs the healing or the change that needs help of you that's in the past that needs the healing or the change that needs help? What do they need and how can that future self serve that? And vice versa, like what does that future self need from the version that you are now in order to get to your future self? One thing, let me see, Learning how to have these awkward conversations with yourself is the issue. Oh, yes, I'll answer that. I'll respond to that. But no, you had something. Oh, go ahead, go for it.

Janel Koloski: 18:06

Yes, Go for it. Yeah. So it's just, I think if you're starting to feel awkward, just pat yourself on the back Like, hey, I'm trying to make myself a better version of me, I'm trying to love on myself right now. So you know, I usually try to do it when nobody's around at first. Now people around I don't care. Now I've gotten to the point where I can do it, when maybe somebody might be able to hear me, Because, if they ask, I've just found the beauty in it and that it's brought me so much success that now I can do it.

Janel Koloski: 18:46

So, if you feel awkward, make sure nobody else is around, you know, and then you can just start to talk to yourself and talk it out. Amanda's always talking it out and she finds like and she'll probably speak about that in a moment but just like journaling can help too, because for me, breath and speaking. You have to breathe to speak, and the more you speak, the more you can uncover what's actually bothering you, and so it just it becomes so much easier the more you do it. But just, don't feel shame and you know that's part of you loving yourself, because you're willing to talk to this inner child like Amanda's talking about, and you're trying to align yourself more so you can reach the dreams that you have.

Amanda DeBraux : 19:20

Yeah, I love that. I love that Accepting and self-love, that awkwardness. Honestly, it's treating yourself like your own best friend. How would you care for yourself? I know it could be extremely awkward and it feels so weird to talk about, like, oh Amanda, you know you really need to get yourself together, like what's happening with you, but what you're subconsciously doing is actually rewiring your brain to start paying attention to things and find solutions and tap into what you need, and sometimes you just need a purge. Also, admitting to the fact that you're awkward, like, say it out loud, like you know, this feels absolutely awkward, because then it releases from your body too, like if you keep going, oh, this is awkward, this is awkward, it's coming from a judgment point of view, not from an acceptance point of view. You're going well, this is stupid. Did you even try it? Just try it. Give it a chance. What's the worst that can happen? It doesn't. Okay. There's other things you can do, like journaling. Journaling throughout the day has helped me a lot. Getting that intrusive self-hate thought out and on paper helps so much. I love that. Yes, it does help. That's one of the things that I love doing. Align yourself more to reach your dreams and I love that Absolutely. I love everything that you're saying and I'm loving this conversation. Dreams, and I love that Absolutely. I love everything that you're saying and I'm loving this conversation.

Amanda DeBraux : 20:38

We all have that shame, that self-hate, these things that we have put upon ourselves, these rules and regulations and things that people have told us and we've taken it very personally and we've held onto it and made it our belief system. We've made it our belief system and a lot of the times it's actually not true. Most of the time, people don't give a crap. I'm going to be honest. Most of the time, people don't give a crap. They don't really care because they're self-consumed by what's going on with them. And so if you're feeling awkward, there are very different ways you can do it. Journaling is a great way.

Amanda DeBraux : 21:10

Speaking out loud depending on. Think about how you learn things. Is it verbally, is it physically? You have to touch things. Is it sound? Is it writing things down and then looking at it again and then saying it out loud. Think about that, because that's going to also help you how to nurture what you need in these moments.

Amanda DeBraux : 21:29

So, again, for me, I ended up speaking out loud and my friends catch me all the time, my friend Melissa was like I did not know, amanda, you speak so much to yourself and I was like I do, she goes half the time. I think you're on the phone and it's actually you talking to yourself and I'm like, oh, I don't realize. I'm doing it out loud. I just kind of like you know. She's like, yeah, you freak me out sometimes. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm like you're doing, but I appreciate this so much I definitely will start journaling. I just struggle with getting it started, but I know it will help, absolutely.

Amanda DeBraux : 21:59

Reach out to us. We will be having, and so I'll close it out, but we will be. We have workshops coming up. We have a four week program coming up as well that we will be offering. But reach out to us, dm us myself or Janelle, whoever you resonate with and get a, get a coaching session with us. You can get a 30 minute coaching session with us for free and and just dive into that. I have affordable coaching options for you as well If you want to go deeper into that. So reach out to us.

Amanda DeBraux : 22:25

You know, there's nothing like knowing that there's a community out there for you. There's nothing like it. You are not alone and you don't have to be, you don't have to live with this burden of I can't, because you can. It just takes time. Like any practice, like any athlete, like any musician, any talented person, any craft that you're trying to succeed in, it takes time.

Amanda DeBraux : 22:48

It took me time to admit that I need to talk it out, because as a child I was told not to suck it up and move on, and so I did, and that actually hindered my growth. It actually hindered me not processing the emotions a lot and so I was sucking up and crying in my room and then I'm good, everybody, I'm all right, now let's do it. And it actually hindered. And now, as I've gotten to the point where I do all that emotional regulating, I can actually say there are a lot of things that I really don't not care about but doesn't require my attention, my focus or energy. It's not about caring, because you can care about anything, but is it serving that successful version of yourself? Again, conversations that you should be having with yourself, and again, just admitting.

Amanda DeBraux : 23:33

Again you said you feel awkward, admit that you let that anger out, let that self-hate out, because when you do, you release it. It doesn't stay with you any longer and there's no reason to hate yourself. You're doing an amazing job. Just a quick reminder You're doing everything that you can. You're doing your best. Do not allow other people to burden you with their fears, their hate, their suffering. You do the best that you can because you have these amazing children that will look up to you and will honor. You have to set them. You have to set an example by doing it for yourself, and when you do that, it's a wonderful thing to share.

Amanda DeBraux : 24:09

We're all human. We have these moments. We have moments like I mean, we have these moments where we're vulnerable, and it's absolutely okay to be vulnerable. You're still alive, honey. You're not six feet under, and if you were, you were cold and dead and no one at that point. You're gone. You still have time. You're here. We can impact anybody with our truth. When we are living in our truth, we become more impactful. And that's a wrap on this episode of Mindset Artistry Podcast.

Janel Koloski: 24:34

Don't forget to like wrap on this episode of Mindset Artistry.

Amanda DeBraux : 24:38

Podcast. Don't forget to like, share and subscribe. Catch us every Thursday for a new episode to help you master the art of your mindset. Got it? Yes, Okay, cool.