Mindset Artistry
Mindset Artistry Empowers Corporate Creatives and Fashion & Entertainment industry professionals to discover their purpose and achieve career fulfillment through inspiring content, personalized coaching, and a supportive community.
Mindset Artistry
Embarking on a Journey to Self: Unveiling the Essence of Identity Beyond Labels
Ever found yourself mesmerized by a reflection, pondering, "Who am I beyond my labels"? You're invited to join us on a profound odyssey into the heart of identity, weaving through the layers beyond race, gender, and culture. This episode reminds us that the facets of our identity—from the roles we assume to the values we cherish—are crafted by choice, colored by experience, and honed by the interactions that mark our days.
Rally around us for an intimate heart-to-heart on the liberating embrace of self-acceptance and living a life that's genuinely yours. As we unveil the fortitude it takes to remain steadfast in your truth amidst a world of shifting expectations, consider this your invitation to a celebration of individuality. Because here at Mindset Artistry, we don't just talk about mindset; we live it, breathe it, and encourage you to flourish in the splendor of being unapologetically you.
Welcome to the Mindset Artistry podcast. This is Amanda DeBraux, a self-authenticity prosperity life coach and actor or actress for your reference.
Janel Koloski:And I'm Janel Koloski, a career and mindset coach and an actor as well.
Amanda DeBraux:Over the course of our lives we've taken on the journey of healing, living and being authentically ourselves as we successfully build individual careers.
Janel Koloski:We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset, to teach you the artistry of what we learned will keep your mind in check. This podcast is designed for you so you can discover your goals courageously, reach them at your highest potential, while being a hundred and thousand percent yourself. What you'll get from us is real dirty a little.
Amanda DeBraux:Okay, more like a lot of quirky.
Amanda DeBraux:Along with empathy, edge and safe space, if you're ready to build a mindset that is unapologetically you and excel beyond the stars, you're in the right place. Okay, let's get into this beautiful, amazing conversation about self-identity and discovering your identity and the power of it and your inner voice. And the reason why it came up for me was because I was watching. I was watching Bama Rush last week and it's a documentary, if you haven't heard about it. It's a documentary about sororities in what is it? One of the cities or whatever, and they go through a whole Bama Rush, alabama. So it's a rush that they go and they have like a whole week long process where they have to go and showcase themselves and meet with all the sorority houses and everything. And as I was watching that, one of the girls was talking about, or briefly talked about, identity and she was a woman or a girl of mixed race. And it got me thinking and like, wow, what is identity? Because I remember growing up and not thinking about my identity. I don't remember at any point growing up and maybe I lost that thought, but I don't remember at any point growing up thinking about my identity until I hit the adulthood world where I had to be out there being asked that question and being able to answer it. And so before we dive into that conversation and talk about discovering your identity, the importance of it, dismantling what identity is and your values and beliefs and passions and how all that aligns with your identity, I actually want to bring up I had to look up the definition, and the definition of identity is the fact of being who or what a person or thing is. Okay, let me say that again the fact of being who or what or a person or thing is. Just thinking about that got me all excited, because when I think about identity and I want to talk about this again because I want people to start broadening their horizons about what identity is when I think about identity is not just about race, about gender, about culture. It's also about how you're approaching the world. Your identity is connected and aligned with how you interact with others, how you're interacting with yourself, your beliefs, your gifts, your talents, your career, the relationships you have with yourself and others. As far as I am a daughter, I am also a friend. I am a college graduate. That is my identity, because those are phases and experiences in my life that have fed and are a part of me as a person. As Amanda, I'm gonna give my middle name, all about the people in my whole government. I'm not gonna do that, but Amanda DuBois, okay, and so it got me thinking.
Amanda DeBraux:Growing up being black and Puerto Rican, I didn't grow up in a household where we talked about culture. In that sense, I just experienced it. I grew up in a very mixed family, a very mixed neighborhood, and to me, everybody was amazing with who they are and their backgrounds, whether it was being Albanian or Muslim or Russian. Like those were very normal interactions that I had as a child, and it wasn't until I got older that again this conversation started to come up and it's like so who are you? Tell me about yourself? You're like where do I start? What do I say? What do?
Janel Koloski:I do.
Amanda DeBraux:And as I started being asked that question, I simply went with the du question. I'm black and Puerto Rican, I'm from the Bronx and that's that Very matter of fact. Those are those things. And as I got older, I started exploring what that actually meant of who am I? What is my identity? And when I did that again, I started realizing that I am more than just being black and Puerto Rican. That is my experience, that is this human experience that we have here, right, but I'm more than that. I'm the decision that I made yesterday.
Amanda DeBraux:I am the decision that I'm going to make tomorrow. I am my past, my present and my future simultaneously, because today is my future from yesterday. Today will be my past, which tomorrow, and so, recognizing all that and broadening my horizons about identity, it helped me discover who and what I want to be and how I approach this life. And before I get into depth to that now, when you think about identity, or even has it crossed your mind, as you, being a woman or whatever in this world, have you been asked this question and what was your response?
Janel Koloski:I identity, actually had strong feelings about it as a young child, which is interesting and I think it's because I don't know I remember identifying as a tomboy. I remember identifying as a bookworm. I remember identifying as a girl that stands up for people that were picked on. You know my brother has autism so I was constantly protecting him, so I identified it as like a fighter. You know I was like my mother, you know, and it's really cute because she would point out, you know, girl power, spice girls. You know, like we would watch the movie Fried Green Tomatoes, which is a really cool like story about women actually, and maybe you don't know these references, but if you haven't seen Fried Green Tomatoes you definitely have to check it out. So those are positive things.
Janel Koloski:It's pretty fascinating that until the world, like you like until the world started kind of pointing things out about how identity should be accepted or what you need to know about yourself, I identified and aligned with really what lit me up as a child, up into my teen years. But then there were some things like it's very funny, as an actor I play upper middle to upper class people, but I didn't grow up that way. I grew up with no money, we had nothing and we were mocked about it and you could say, spit on if people would allow that. And on top of that we had somebody with special needs in our family. So, whoa, we were real, real problems in the community. So then there was this weird identity thing where I remember I would go to school and people would assume I lived in one part of town. They'd be like, oh, like, oh, you live over here, right, like there's a party over there. We got to go and I'm like I don't, we can't afford, I don't, we don't live in that, I can't afford that. Like we don't live there, I live over here. And they would be like oh, you don't look like you live over there with those people, like straight up. So it was kind of weird because I didn't feel comfortable identifying with my appearance of like oh, I guess I look wealthy with the people and not all wealthy people are bad and that's kind of a block I had to work through to make my own money so I can live the life I want and provide something for my brother and my family. But I like you know these people over here with the money. They were mean and they like. That's how I identified them because of how they retreated me.
Janel Koloski:But then, you know, I identified with people that were more humble and like usually if you come up without like a lot of money, I'm sorry, but like you, you a lot of times you have more empathy because you know what it's like to be in the gutter, so you have a little bit more of mind and is towards people and compassion and being like, oh, everybody's going through something, you know, even the wealthy people. And that was my whole identity thing. It was cool, like two sides, like one. I identified a strong woman that was like fighting for others, because my mom and my brother, this little kid that loved to climb trees and be friends with everybody, the butterflies and like social butterfly. But then the wealth gap and how people were like, what do you mean? You're not over here in the money? And then, um, yeah, it was. It was weird. So that those have been my experiences with identity.
Amanda DeBraux:I love that and thank you for bringing that because I wanted to dive into how identity has changed and discovering it and then dismantling it as you get older as well. So as a child, and thank you for sharing that. I didn't grow up with money as well, but I was very guarded by my family. I didn't think it was just. You know, you had a little school. I was allowed to buy two pair of shoes for the first of the year and that was it, and those two better last, like those two better last, because otherwise you ain't getting nothing. It was a pair of tins and white ups, or you know, and that was that, and it was, like you know, the school clothes I got so used to thrifting that it was in a thing and now it's like a whole thing. Now is, like you know, drifting, but that was the thing because my parents couldn't afford expensive stuff. But yet it wasn't a problem until I got to school where I was very lengthy, skinny, no, not much boobs, not much boobs, not much butt, and my hair was curly and I was hanging out with Spanish girls who had the long floating hair, who had a hell of a body, who were kind of short and spoke Spanish, and I still don't speak it fluently, so I didn't quite fit in with them. So that was my identity was like oh, I don't fit in with them, but at home I do, but in the real world or this outside world I don't. Then there was the black community. As a black girl, I was still light, so I didn't fit in with the darker girls. I didn't dress like they were, I didn't talk like they did, and so I didn't quite fit in with them either. So I was in this kind of middle ground where it's like I don't In the outside world, I don't know who I identify as. I'm just kind of kind of go with it, right. But in my life, as far as family and friends, I belong, I totally belong. And so as I got older, this identity kind of crisis didn't it just kind of it didn't phase me, it just kind of like went with the flow, right, like you said. You know, I was a tomboy as well. I said that was my thing, is who I am. Whatever, you know, I grew up a boy, is all the things. And then I started doing modeling and just kind of affected it and changed my perspective on things and hello, thank you for joining everybody.
Amanda DeBraux:As far as identity, and when I started getting asked that question about who am I, it kind of made me nervous, and so what I will say is your experiences in the person, like we all have experiences. Like I said, it has my childhood, my middle school days and and also Janelle and her childhood and everything, and not and the assumptions and perceptions that people have of you. Right, that also affects your identity, which is why it's important to ask your question who am I, who do I choose to live in, who do I choose to be in this world and how do I choose to live? Those are the questions that are going to help you identify your identity and your inner voice, which means sitting down, being quiet and asking these questions, because what's going to happen is your, what's going to come up for you is your past, is your present and is your future? Which meaning? Your experiences, your childhood, what did your parents say to you? What did the teacher say to you? Those things, unbeknownst to us, stick with us and they affect our habits and beliefs, and so, when you ask these questions, you got to start dismantling those thoughts of who am I. Is it really your thought or someone else's? Yes, somebody else's Right. So I identify as Janelle, being really wealthy. She identifies that, so she had to sit down and ask that question. I can't assume what she came up with and all the things, but like, that is the questions that you have to ask. Or you know, I'm the skinny, tall girl who doesn't have a butt or boobs. That is somebody else's identity. But I love my body and I've learned to love my body. That is who I choose and identify with is Amanda, and thinking about how I am being presented or perceived in the world can affect your identity, but it's a choice. You are not somebody else's opinion. I'm all about making clarity here.
Amanda DeBraux:I know identity can be a very broad topic, but when it comes to identity, I really want you to understand it from a broad perspective, because our identity is many different things. You are more than your experiences. You are what you choose to be and how you choose to interact. And that comes down to what you value, because I'm Janelle and I value friendship, we value honesty, we value loyalty and I value that. With any relationship that I have family, friends, business, work Then it's what are my passions, what are my joys. Those are the part of my identity as well, because those are the experiences that I'm actively choosing to participate in. Your experiences are your active choices.
Amanda DeBraux:You know things happen to us. Of course, we all know that Things happen to us without our control. What we control is how we react and what we choose to do next, and that is also a part of our identity. How you're choosing to wake up every day. Do I love myself? How am I choosing to interact with somebody who activates or triggers a pain in me, a suffering, unhealed wounds? That is also a part of your identity. It is more than just this gender, this cultural thing, and I want you to embrace that, because when you do, it gives you the freedom and the liberty to live as you're supposed to, as you want to and as who you are, and not according to what other people think you should do. And then I also want you to understand. Thank you everybody for joining. I hope this is resonating with you.
Amanda DeBraux:It's just a big topic as far as identity, because in a world of everybody should be this way, you should be that way, and pitting women against each other and doing all these things, you can lose grip on who you are. You start conforming to what others are doing and you lose your sense. You start involving yourself in conversations and situations that don't feel comfortable, that don't bring your joy, that don't bring your happiness, that are not aligned with the gifts that you are meant to share with the world. That is your identity. Your identity and the greatest gift that you can give the world is being who you are. That is it. And in order to do that, you have to sit down and discover what that is and dismantle other people's perceptions and even yourself, because growing up, being black and Puerto Rican, I had these certain perceptions of myself and I had a break at that mold, the insecurity of not speaking Spanish, but I am Puerto Rican and proud to say it.
Amanda DeBraux:That is my choice of actively choosing how I'm thinking, what I'm feeling, because what's going to happen is the universe is going to reflect that, or the divinity of whoever you believe in, and your gifts are meant to be shared with the world and you're great. Okay. And then I also want you to understand and this is the other aspect of identity, on top of diving into the conversation of who you are what you want, what you want to be in life, your desires, your hopes, your dreams, how you're approaching other people and again, like Nelson said, having empathy of you have, but others don't. So it's understanding that we're all experiencing this so-called life on this floating planet, which is absolutely insane. Everything we're like this well compared to the broader perspective of the universe. Think of it that way. You know we're all connected in some way, shape or form, is that?
Amanda DeBraux:And then your identity also changes as you experience different things. Okay, and I want you to embrace that and not feel guilty. I also want to say do not feel shame or guilty for not understanding what your identity is. It took me a long time to get here and, okay, I'll say how young I am but 34, right. But it took me a long time to get to the stage, to be able to have a conversation about identity and about myself and about who I am, where I've come from and what I choose to do with my life. I'm an actor, I'm also a life coach, I'm also a friend, I'm also a daughter. That is being confident in saying these things and choosing that interaction, right.
Amanda DeBraux:So, as I've moved through life, you're also changing with every experience. You are changing, so your identity changes with it, because either you're going to learn from your mistakes or you go, or you're going to repeat them and you're going to stay in the same place and feel stuck, maybe feel the guilt and shame and all the things. This is when it's important to embrace the change and understand that who I was yesterday may not be the person I am today, and that is okay. But what am I choosing to be today? All about choices and identity. I am choosing to be happy, appreciative, thankful, full of gratitude, you know, attentive to my self care, my mental health, my career, my family and friends. Now I want to pass it back to you. As far as the change you said. You talked about your childhood and how they have these perceptions of you of being on the poor side and not having money, and how that changed throughout your life and now what your perception is, or how you view the version that you were to now.
Janel Koloski:I would say recently, most recently, I have been trying to come back to myself and I always think that your younger self can teach you so much about who you truly are, because when you're younger you're not really taking on the world as much, you're just living as you are. Until people tell you about yourself and I've found that I'm very polarizing and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's just one of those people either love her or you hate her, and probably not hate because that's extreme, and hope not. That seems like a lot, but that isn't fun for me, but it's important. I have accepted the fact that, because of how I look, I can get into certain rooms. I'm a voice for my brother that doesn't have a voice and anybody can have an opinion that they want. But as a person that actually has somebody with special needs in their family, I think it's still a silenced community. Oh, we'll tolerate them, we'll let them be part of society. But in the early 90s they were still trying to put people's special needs in mental institutions when they didn't have any cognitive issue or harm towards society. And so it's sad because I am a person that has great empathy and is very inclusive and I want that's how I identify. But because I'm so polarizing, I'm noticing that people don't want to give me that identity and so for everyone watching, I think and Amanda's already touched on this your identity will consistently change, but it's always. You're always coming back to you, like Amanda's saying like just come back to you wherever you are. I still have the tomboy, I still like to surf and hike and climb trees and ski and go off of jumps and do these things and run around and baggy clothing. But then there was the other part of me, even as a little girl, that loved to do her nails and her makeup or her hair, all the glitter, all the glitter, ladies and gentlemen, and the fake tattoo, necklaces and all the things, and I think all of that is beautiful and I love how multifaceted humans are and I love that, amanda, you're pointing out that you don't have to feel like you have to be one thing or fit into one area just because whatever. So, ultimately, your identity, just keep checking in with yourself and where you're at today, like you could be something different, and so I see that my identity is all of those people. It's that six year old, it's that 12 year old, it's that 18 year old and embracing it and loving every bit of it, even when other people don't. I think is really important and I'm going to send it back to you.
Janel Koloski:But as you were speaking, it kind of made me think of the story where this guy gave his daughter a car and he had her take it to a dealership yeah, and the pawn shop and all these places, and the car looked pretty crappy it wasn't top notch yet dirty and whatever. And she took it to the car dealership and the pawn shop and they're like oh, we'll give you like four or $5,000. This is nothing you know. When they saw what the car was and what they thought it identified us. And then she took it to a classic car show because her dad told her to do that too. He was trying to teach her a lesson and they wanted to give her $200,000 because the car was in the right place.
Janel Koloski:Finally, and so everybody like identify the way you want to and what feels good here, not about what makes other people feel good. Be kind, have empathy, don't identify as some psychopath and be mean to people, but like what feels good to you and then, if you know it's not jiving with the people around you. You got to find a new place to be, which is unfortunate, especially if your identity is kind. But I've just learned to go along with the journey and know that the universe has a way of moving you. You know you're like well, this doesn't like.
Janel Koloski:I'll tell Amanda if something really doesn't make sense. I know that the universe is just trying to help me out and move me to something else Because you're like well, I belong here and I'm trying to make everybody happy and do all these things and identify this. But I can embrace this. You're probably not supposed to be there because people see you as $10,000, worth 200,000. And what's really out there for you and is best for your identity and the way that you fit into life? Because we're all connected, we're all human. We're here on that rock, as Amanda was saying, to support each other and grow, and so I want people to don't change your identity for the space you're in. Keep your identity and go to the space that you belong in.
Amanda DeBraux:Yes, I love that. I love that and it's also it brings a point. Thank you for sharing that too. Just the acceptance. That was the next conversation about acceptance.
Amanda DeBraux:Like Mel said, understanding your identity is also equivalent to your worth. If you understand your identity and your passions and your values and what you find important to you, what brings you joy, what you're putting your energy into and your values, and you know your worth and the room is that don't fit right. It's like that puzzle piece when we were a kid and you had. You try to figure out like is the X in the circle? And it's like mama, it's not working right. It's like and you're trying, you're trying, it's never gonna fit because you're not meant to fit. You don't need to force yourself into any situation or any place that is not meant for you. Do not conform to what other people think that you should be.
Amanda DeBraux:When you identify who you are and how you're choosing to live through the world, that is a pure acceptance and power. That gives you the power to walk away from places that you don't belong, that are not right for you, and to walk into the places that you do. It also gives you the power to create places right. It gives you power to create the places for yourself and those just like you. When you're vibing on that level, you're also connecting with other people and magnetizing towards them. Again, the universe is gonna reflect back to you what you're choosing to experience, what you're thinking and what you're feeling. You're going okay. Today I am choosing actively to think about my past and to think about all my failures and to think about what's not working and how that person said that I was horrible and things like that. Well then, you're gonna choose to have experiences throughout the day that I'm going to support those experiences in those places that then become foods.
Amanda DeBraux:And then what happens the next day? You start repeating the fit and you start devaluing yourself. You start taking on other people's perceptions and opinions and thoughts and yes, it's others. It's like a crowded room full of chaos that people are constantly talking to you. You're like, ah, I can't quite get it, can't? It is all the confusion, right? Totally understandable to feel confused in a society telling you how you should be Totally confused. You've got all these things that they're telling you what you should be, what you couldn't do, especially as women. You can't do this, you can't do that, and even men. I'm not saying it's just women, but men have oppressions as well as women do. Everybody has their forms of oppression, everybody does, and I'm not excluding anyone.
Amanda DeBraux:And what your experience is, what your experience also matters to you. Remember that Just because you didn't experience, I didn't experience what now experience. But I still appreciate her story, I still value her for who she is. You can do that. That is called having empathy, being kind and loving and being human Sorry, just being human. No, I think everybody's hidden to forget that. And so acceptance is. And that would be like.
Amanda DeBraux:My last point is really accepting all virtues of you. Like Nell said, that child version of you there was two who couldn't ride the bicycle or can't swim, or fell or was made fun of. That is also a version of you that is still living. How are you choosing to integrate that version of yourself with your identity today? And what I think she's saying is you know what that little girl was? Being bullied. I ain't gonna help her because I don't want her to experience what I have to.
Amanda DeBraux:That is your identity, that you're choosing now because of that experience, it's integrated within you and if you accept those virtues of yourself, you're also able to accept the future virtues of yourself that are full of abundance, that's, full of the gifts that you're meant to share with the world. Don't let your experiences define you and belittle you. Create the world that you're meant to live in. Let them help you. Let them be the knee pads and the elbow pads for you to like, slide through the world and be like I am, who I am, and I am protected because of all my experiences. Accept you, and I know again, easy to be done.
Amanda DeBraux:Of course, it's taken years, especially when people are telling you otherwise, especially when the world was telling you otherwise, especially if you're having to be a certain way in your workplace, in relationships and not only just partnerships, a family and friends, all any relationship that you have matters, and so when you're. That's why it's so important again to take a moment and ask yourself who am I, who do I choose to be and how do I choose to identify in the world, and what is my inner voice supporting? What is your inner voice supporting? Is it supporting the advertisement, or is this a supporting a version that you think you should be? And I'm gonna leave it there, but I just the joy in recognizing your identity is how you're choosing right, regardless of what others are portraying you to be.
Amanda DeBraux:The thing is, some people are gonna everybody has a perception of you Good, bad, ugly, no matter what it is. Everybody has a perception because their perception is coming from their inner box and how you're choosing. They can get you on a good day. Oh, my gosh, you're so amazing, you look so great. What if you were cramping that day? Oh, I just thought I'm gonna move the talk today. Well, I was rude. That's a perception. You didn't intend to do it, but it's a perception they have now because that was that experience.
Amanda DeBraux:So it's really just taking a step back, recognizing the power and gifts you were created. Therefore, you can create. You can create anything that you want. It's the belief that supports it. It's the inner dialogue that supports it and therefore, what comes with it identifying yourself in the inner voice is the actions that support them in the outer world as well as internally. I want to thank everybody for joining before I do thank everybody for joining, but, janelle, do you have anything last words to say as far as identity, and I hope that helps anyone out there- Ah, sorry it's so hard to unhook the thing.
Janel Koloski:Yeah, and like Amanda said, yeah, just don't judge yourself and don't feel bad. It can be really hard to change. I'm still working on it and I have a very strong identity in many ways. A lot of us can try to shift or change out of love, you know, but the best way to really love others, when we talk about this, is to love yourself first.
Janel Koloski:And that could be scary, because when you change your identity and to who you really are and the thing that makes you the happiest and healthiest, and give back the way that you want to in the world, you might lose people because people got to know a different version of you that wasn't real and that's maybe it wasn't a negative intention on your part. You were trying to fit in and get along and do all these things, and so I just want to offer up courage to everybody. Just have the courage to choose yourself first, and I understand how that can sound selfish, but it's actually more selfish to lie to people about your truth and then everybody's getting this fake version of you right. So you know, but I understand that it's scary, so just want to encourage everybody that it's all working out.
Amanda DeBraux:It always does, and I love that. Melissa said. I'm trying to learn this love yourself first concept for sure we all are, and sometimes it may be harder than other days, of course, and again there are versions of ourselves that, like Janel just said, that you may not have agreed to, but we fell into it because we want to be loved or seen or heard or accepted in certain scenarios and certain friendships and certain relationships. But it's okay as long as you're actively choosing now to go. All right, that was a part of me and I'm choosing otherwise now. That's okay. There's no shame in that. There was a version of you. It is no longer the version that you're choosing to be now. Totally okay, but love that version of yourself too. Even though it may feel it was a dark time, it was still a version of you that existed, still a version of you that needs to be loved and seen and heard and appreciated. We matter, no matter what other people tell you.
Amanda DeBraux:Loving yourself first is being able to identify who you are, what your inner voice is telling you, choosing you know, identify your values, what's your passions, what's your love? What are you choosing to imprint on the world? Your imprint on the world is who you are. If you're asked and a lot of elderly people are asked, it's like how do you want to be remembered? Don't wait until you're 90 years old to be asked to answer that question. Answer it now. How do you want to be remembered, is it? She was amazing for who she was and she's unapologetic about it, and we all love her for it. She encouraged me to do the same and I was able to live the life of I that brought me joy and happiness. How are you choosing to live and be remembered?
Janel Koloski:Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Mindset Artistry.
Amanda DeBraux:We hope you found our stories and tips motivating and helpful.
Janel Koloski:Be sure to follow us here on Spotify for more episodes to help you master the art of your mindset.